Thursday, March 27, 2014

Kite (1996)

I cry because I kill you!
Hey guys/gals! Entering into this week's review I have brought about an oldie by my standards. I initially viewed this film back in the day. Well not this exact version as I had  viewed the more adult version if you will. So this time around I chose to watch the less sexy version. So slap on those bulletproof vests and meet me for an old fashioned shoot out.

Synopsis- Sawa is one messed up young lady! Sweet, caring college student by day. Ruthless, shoot you in the fucking face assassin by night. As all Japanese/anime school girls tend to be. Over powered by her son of a bitch mentor, Sawa is forced to do his bidding and kill anyone he tells her to. Then one sunny day it occurs to Sawa that killing people for reasons unbeknownst to her is for the birds. That my friends is when the shit hits the fan. Now Sawa and her assassin male counterpart are on the run for their lives.

Review - From the start, this film is a punch in the gut of a linear action film. Lots of blood, loads of violence. This is a story of a female assassin loaded with never ending ammunition to destroy her targets one bloody explosion at a time. With over the top action and a forgettable story "Kite" is certainly a product of its time. Anime Works brought this film and many others to us and this is not one of their better offerings. The characters all sound like they smoked 6 packs of smokes prior to recording. I can only assume  back in the 90's this gave both film and anime characters a more badass appeal. Or at least a villainous feel. I found it really distracting since every scene was Sawa blasting some phlegm slinging baddy in the head or other various body shots.Ultimately saving the sad sap from lung cancer.

How's that bullet taste MF!
Throughout this film our "hero" Sawa is faced with many adversities and hardships from physical sexual abuse to gun fights. Even through all of this she never seems too upset or broken down until the moment she loses an earring. What the hell!  Yea, this is the kind of crap that makes it very hard to relate to this film and the characters. To top it off she has to be one of the worst damn assassins ever. The whole idea of being an assassin is 'in and out' without being noticed. Not blowing up subway stations and entire city blocks for one dude.Throw in the fact that the animation isn't very good or realistic. I know this is anime and it probably isn't going for realism but every punch, kick or shot knocks down freaking buildings. It feels like it was meant to be an old porn script. Someone came across it grandpa's secret drawer and was like "SWEET let us animate this gem." The sad thing is there is more where this came from. Like "Kite: Liberator" or "Mezzo Forte" which also contains an adult version. Same ridiculous plots, same poorly executed crap. I can't for the life of me pick out one redeeming quality for this film. Maybe if you are into shitty scripts and animated boobs this would turn your crank. For me there are just way too many other titles for me to waste time on this crap. Don't get me wrong, I like action films/series and boobs as much as any red blooded man. I also like be entertained, and the overall vibe I got from this film was not entertainment . It felt excessive and creepy to sum it up. With that said I give "Kite" a:

Written By John Price

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