Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)

Director: Alan Smithee (Kevin Yagher) [reshoots by Joe Chappelle]
Notable Cast: Bruce Ramsay, Doug Bradley, Valentina Vargas, Kim Myers, Adam Scott

"Pain? How dare you use that word? What you think of as pain is a shadow. Pain has a face. Allow me to show it to you. Gentlemen, I... Am... Pain."

Well, well, well. In the words of Pinhead at one point in the third act of Hellraiser: Bloodline, "I cannot die. I am forever," and that certainly describes where the Hellraiser franchise is going. With this fourth entry, which is supposed to serve as sequel to the previous entry and an endgame for the series, all is feeling a little drawn out and a little over run with mediocrity. As with this movie too. A little long and a little drawn out despite the fact that even with credits it comes in at slightly under an hour and a half. Fans of the series might enjoy it as it somewhat returns to the thematic roots of the first two films, but it still suffers from a massive amount of flaws to hinder it from being a true return to form.

Hellraiser: Inferno (2000)

Director: Scott Derrickson
Notable Cast: Craig Sheffer, Doug Bradley, Nicholas Turturro, James Remar, Nicholas Sadler, Noelle Evans

"Ah, the eternal refrain of humanity. Pleading ignorance, begging for mercy. "Please, help me. I don't understand."

I would like everyone to stand up and give Hellraiser: Inferno a hand. Come on now. Okay, well maybe you may not agree with me, but I think this is what the Hellraiser series should have been! Forget all this slasher shit with Pinhead from Hell on Earth and Bloodline as the series attempted to water down its concept for mass consumption. Forget all of the ongoing threading of the last four films about the history of the box and its future and lets focus on what made the first film memorable and scary. Hell and the people that invite it into their lives. Because this one gets back to basics folks, and despite being the first in the series to go straight to DVD, I feel this one is the truest to the aspects that made the original Hellraiser such a watch. A gem of the series.

Deadgirl - 4.5/5

"You never forget your first time" --tag line for the film.

There is something to be said about controversial film making. For the most part, I enjoy it because I'm glad that somebody out there is willing to push the limits on an art form that is notoriously 'made to please a wide audience'. So I'll watch a lot of controversial films just because someone had the balls to make it. Which is one of the reasons I watched "Deadgirl" - the critical hype from the Horror fans was pretty astounding and yet I've read reviews from film goers that claimed this to be 'just an excuse for porn' or 'sick people would only like this movie'. So of course, I had to watch it.

To say this film is disturbing is an understatement. Honest to God, I was disturbed greatly by this film and it takes quite a bit to do that. It did though. But it was also riveting and one of the best made independent examinations of the human nature I've seen in film this year.

On the surface to those who can't get past the premise, this is a movie about two outcast kids whom while exploring an abandoned mental institution find a 'deadgirl' in a sealed room of the basement. One quickly becomes grotesquely obsessed with the girl while the other is repulsed and their friendship comes to breaking point as the obsessed teen starts to use her as a 'sex slave' for his amusement and the amusement of his other friends. Shit hits the fan and all comes to a head, when things start to unravel and get out of control as they discover their own dark and light sides of humanity. So if you have pretty strong morals, or are just easily disgusted to think that any human could do these things, then check that at the door otherwise you cannot handle this film.

Story wise, this is the most original and compelling zombie movie I've seen in a long time. This does to zombies what "Let The Right One In" did for vampires earlier this year...it turns it on its fucking head. Bravo...Sarmiento and Harel took an over cliche and overly poor sub-genre of Horror and made it socially relevant again. Bravo.

And all the other technical aspects of the film are superior. The directors come across as young Cronenbergians of the genre, the acting is decent and Mr. Obsessed spiral into the darkness is brilliant to watch, the special effects are superb, and the editing is only to match. As a fan of independent Horror, this is some of the best there is on a technical side.

So if there is one zombie film to see so far this year, I'm still going to have to see how "Zombieland" does, then I'm going to have to recommend this one. This is not a treat of the cinema though and it will have you sitting in a state of shock for most of the film as these people sink to all new lows, so if you have a weak stomach for gore or just dark subject matter you might want to skip it. I, for one, was both disgusted and completely riveted by "Deadgirl". 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Cobra - 1.5/5

"You're the disease, and I'm the cure."

Don't let the star rating of one and a half fool you. This movie is awesome. So awesome in fact, that the film makers decided to not include story lines. Or plot devices. Or character development. Or acting. Or for that matter, any sense at all. Thusly, making this one of the best (worst) 80s action films from this glorious time of ultra violent action movies.

So what we have with "Cobra", is a renegade cop nicknamed Cobra whom is part of the 'zombie squad' which is the last line of defense and a section of police force that work on the boundaries of the law. A serial killer gang...err...man with henchmen...err...whatever they are...are killing tons of innocent people with little rhyme or reason and they have now targeted poor Ingrid (yes, that is Brigitte Nielsen's name in the film) for seeing one of the killer's face in their most recent attack. So Cobra is here to save her from potential and slash induced death.

Honest to God, that is pretty much the extent of the plot in the film too. Summed up in about 2 sentences. To say that they don't delve too deep into the story is an understatement. I'm not sure what this axe wielding game really wants, but according to the face of the gang (Shao Khan...I mean X File Alien Bounty Hunter...shit I don't know his name) they do it cause society sucks and they are the hunters. Sounds like half assed motive to me! I like it! Needless to say, Cobra picks a fight and ridiculous amounts of gun firing, car chases, and explosions ensue.

What's even better then the shallow and vague story is the shallow and vague dialogue. There are some great one liners that don't make a lot of sense, I'm still trying to figure out why Stallone says "You have the right to remain silent" before pouring gas in a guys face and lighting him on fire as it the line has nothing to do with the action he does, and most of the attempted character development feels completely out of place. The random romantic interest scene comes out of the blue. It's actually quite hilarious instead of dramatic.

Of course, when you watch a movie like "Cobra", are you really there to see great characters and tension filled plot? Absolutely not. I'm here to see shit go boom and guys go splat. And that's what this movie does best. Whether its extended car chases, a gun fight with a thousand and one motorcycle gang members at a rural motel or a man struggle over a knife in a metal working factory then this movie nails it. Of course it doesn't have to make sense, like risking hostages to sent in Stallone to talk to a killer or even the reason he carries a machine gun throughout the film, but then why would it. That would just ground it to reality.

If you love 80s action then this is a must have. It's an awful attempt at film making but a glorious achievement in action. No story, no acting, and horrid 80s rock soundtrack make this a must have for my collection. Perhaps not yours, but definitely mine. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

12 Rounds - 1.5/5

"GAME OVER"!

This is an action movie for those of you who don't watch action films a lot. Or perhaps for those of you whom just like watching a fire truck run into cars for about 10 minutes straight. Either way, "12 Rounds" isn't all that good and could have been titled "12 Action Movie Ripoffs In One".

It's not like I had the highest expectations from this movie. Seriously, its a John Cena movie. It's made by WWE films. Was I expecting brilliance? No. But I was expecting it to be somewhat original and I definitely didn't get that.

I think that Renny Harlin was trying to make a statement: 'See! I could have directed "Die Hard With A Vengeance" too!' because the majority of this film rips on that concept. Foreign terrorist/genius takes on blue collar cop in big city to make him go through a series of ridiculous tasks so that he could take revenge/steal shit. Wow. Really? That's pretty much word for word conceptionally. What makes these two films different is that "Die Hard III" was actually fun to watch and this was just sad. I had nothing of any sort of feelings towards Mr Fisher (Cena) or his girlfriend, whom steals the show with her awful acting. And with an unmemorable villiain whom looks like a Richard Gere "The Jackal" rip-off, this one tops the charts with stolen ideas.

On the plus side, the pacing of the film is pretty good and some of the action sequences were solid...although I could have used a bit actually gun fighting as most of this film is based on that 'run Hero run!' concept of action. Let's make cars go boom and buildings go boom and elevators go boom and helicopters go boom and girlfriends go boom and even for one scene water go boom. So even the action is a bit repetitive for an film like this.

Maybe I was expecting a bit much from a film like this. I mean, originality? Nobody does that anymore anyway. And "12 Rounds" verifies this idea. Shit, it doesn't even trust the audience to remember its story for the duration of the film (how many flashbacks of the girlfriend's face do we need to remind us why he's doing all of this?) so why would I expect it to be original. Only for Cena fans. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Lake Dead - 1.5/5

"That's how you fuck family" - John Lake

This is the last of the 2nd series of '8 Films To Die For' for me to watch and what a hell of a way to end it. This is perhaps the worst of the bunch (its neck and neck with "Nightmare Man") as its pretty much a blatant rip off off of a solid handful of better slasher films out there.

The story revolves around some sisters that inherit a Lake Motel (clever name!) when their Grandfather passes away. And by passes away I mean gets shot in the face with a shotgun in an intro that is both horribly acted and has pretty poor special effects. Of course, this intro is just a nice dabble of the shit to come in this one, and while the story and characters that come next might make you think your about to watch a somewhat decent low budge Horror film, in reality it just rips on some classics and ends up spinning uncontrollably into a tale spin of disastrous proportions.

Honestly, this is awful acting (particularly by the secondary characters like Bill and that random female friend that tags along just for the film to have some nudity and a random forest sex scene) that tries to pull a sub-par script out from a sink hole of a film. The story is your basic 'incest driven hillbilly slasher family' that's been done a billion times before and a billion and one times better, and nothing sans some interesting camera shots saves this from being a complete waste of my time. Hell, half the time the story didn't even make sense and the stupidity of the script (really? A fucking twisted ankle and your down for the count?!) made me feel as though they thought I was as dumb as the 2 Leatherface knock offs characters named Cain and Abel. Yeah, seriously. Cain and Abel. I know.

I could really just tear this one apart at the seams if I wanted to but I'm done with it. I'm going to post my review and then I'm going to forget I saw this at all. Blank my memory of this work of shit. This is just a warning for those of you out there that are interested. DON'T BE. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Heroes Of The East - 4/5

When I want to watch a great Martial Arts action flick, I have no further to go than Dragon Dynasty. Since I started to really delve into the Kung Fu film catalog (starting about 2 years ago), I have found through this company so many great titles of both classic and modern works of Asian action. One of them being "Heroes Of The East".

Granted, one could have hoped for a slightly more in depth tale of betrayal, revenge, or even your standard war story from this one, but its rather fun and simplistic plot of a young Chinese man and young Japanese woman getting married and accidentally creating a feud between the two cultures where he must fight off some of the best Japanese Martial artists is a breath of fresh air when it comes to some of the extremities of stories in the genre. Its just enough story to thread together extensive fighting for the last half of the film and it worked for me. Is it the greatest story ever told? No. But it works for what it does.

As for the fighting scenes themselves, its hard to dislike this film at all. There are so many styles on display here and so many interesting matches that even though the story might only be there to lightly thread together and set up these matches, it doesn't really matter once it starts moving. We get all kinds of awesome shit including ninjitsu, hand to hand combat (karate, drunken boxing - my fave! - and even some judo), sword fighting, small blade fighting (including sais, you don't see that often), spear fighting, and even chained stick fights. Its a Goddamn buffet of Martial Arts madness! And every fight is unique and memorable! We might as well have skipped the first half hour of story and just went here and it wouldn't have changed this film hardly at all.

Even though the story is pretty weak, this film still ranks high on my list just for the sheer amount of cool style fights it has. Honestly, this film knew it wasn't the most brilliant picture and it played it pretty honest and up front. I appreciate that. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Wrestler, The - 5/5

"The only place I get hurt is out there. The world don't give a shit about me." --Randy 'The Ram' Robinson

I just finished my first viewing of my much highly anticipated "The Wrestler" and I must say that although the film was quite different then I had envisioned it in my head, I was completely enthralled with it. From beginning to end, I couldn't pull myself out of the film and that says a lot.

Although there were plenty of comparisons to the classic "Rocky" film made when this first was being hyped, I found that although on a somewhat surface level the comparisons work, much of this film is far darker and more gritty then "Rocky" ever was. Despite the 'fun' and 'ridiculousness' that Pro-Wrestling should hint at in the story, "The Wrestler" is far from being fun or ridiculous as we watch Rourke portray a man trying to find life in a real world and dealing with the struggles that come with a tragically flawed hero.

I was worried that my 80s hero, Rourke, would end up disappointing me with his work here (I'm always cautious about hype especially when it has to do with heroes of mine) but the film is centered on him and he ably carries it the entire time. The massively underrated Rourke finally seems to be catching some of the limelight he has deserved in his career. Granted with lots of praise for the supporting roles (which I found interesting since both Tomei and Wood actually have very little screen time but use it amazingly) its a combination of Rourke's interaction with them that makes this film amazing on all levels of acting.

I must also praise Aronofsky with his almost documentary-esque approach to filming this bad boy. It's down in the dirt realistic take worked wonders for the story and its presentation and his use of music throughout the film was brilliant. Whether it was those 80s arena filling Hair Metal anthems or the final song by Springsteen, I was just amazed with how the songs added all new levels to the feelings and heart of this film.

I'm going to say that "The Wrestler" now has my vote for best film of 2008. It worked so well on my emotions and nerves that this is a film I could watch a 100 times and never tire of it. If there is one movie you see of 2008, make it "The Wrestler". 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

5 Deadly Venoms, The (1978)

"You've just asked me "When will it end?" Well let me tell you: Once an evil deed is done, then it never ends... it goes on and it goes on forever." --Scorpion

Director: Chang Cheh
Notable Cast: Chiang Sheng, Sun Chien, Kuo Chui, Lo Mang, Wei Pei, Lu Feng, Ku Feng

So I finally got around to picking up the ultra-cult classic "Five Deadly Venoms" when Dragon Dynasty released their beautiful version of the film and I must say that it deserves a lot of the praise it gets. Of course, being from 1978 and part of an era where Kung Fu films were very cheesy, if you don't like the style of film then this one probably isn't going to change your mind. If you can put that all aside though (I think it takes a true fan to overlook the little things like odd sound effects and horrid dubbing) this is a masterpiece of Martial Arts film making.

This move is known as EYE POKE!

Based on the idea of a school where five masters were trained, each in a specific style of combat based on venomous animals: Centipede, Gecko, Toad, Scorpion, and Snake, and let into the world, their master sends his latest student (who isn't fully trained) to clean up the mess he created with his students. This leads to a small town where the five venoms and the prodigy meet up to find a missing treasure and settle the score. On the outside the story sounds a bit basic but the way that the film goes about it is a nice turn of events. Using lots of dramatic elements like betrayal, coercion, and civil manipulation the 6 students begin a path that leads them down a road where collision is the only option.

Halloween came early this year.

Shot with a pretty standard Kung Fu style from the 70s and limited on budget, most of the focus on this film is placed on the story and character interaction. The thriller side of the film is quite fun (whose working with who, who will survive, and who the fuck is the Scorpion are all repeated asked by viewers) with lots of tension built between the characters. I wasn't so sure about how the prodigy student was really going to fit in by about half way through the film, but he gets his time nicely in towards the end.

As for the Martial Arts aspect of the film, most of the action is done hand to hand style but watching the various styles combat each other is quite fascinating and impressive. The final fight is one that could be studied for a long time with its pretty quick pace and non stop Martial Arts finesse.

"Ugh. His armpit is sweaty..."

This is a Kung Fu film that is beyond itself for its time. The story is clever and driven and the action compliments it perfectly. There is a reason that this is a classic and it deserves its attention. With a remake (supposedly) on the way perhaps it will generate a whole new fanbase with this film.

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Shoot Em Up - 4.5/5

"Oh my God, that is twisted! That sick son of a bitch! Oh, that sick son of a bitch suckered us again!" --Mr. Hertz

If one could take every action film cliche and jam them all together into one hour and twenty minutes of film, then that's about as close as explaining what "Shoot Em Up" is like. Granted, there are many people out there that do not understand that this film is MEANT TO BE BAD and taken with a nice firm tongue in cheek. For those of you who do not understand why this film is amazing then you never will. Don't bother. For those of you that do understand what it is to have a movie that is brilliantly (and in this instance - awesomely) bad, this is a must see/must own/must crave type of film.

The premise is simple. Random and societal outcast man (whom has ridiculous amounts of gun and combat training) gets caught in a political and gang related conspiracy, which involves him saving a lone child with the help of his ex-prostitute lady friend from high amounts of bullets, explosive settings, and betrayals. Sounds like a pretty solid and unfounded action story line to me. Don't worry about it making too much sense as its mainly there to weave together lots of gun fighting. Needless to say that even though the story is practically irrelevant to the film, its a nice treat to the person that saw all those awesomely bad 80s action films...ala me.

As if a ridiculous story wasn't enough, the action is the true bread and butter of this film (if you thought it was going to be otherwise then slap yourself twice and reread the title of the film). Whether its some outrageous gun toting action (with lots of random lackies going down just like any good action movie), the random sex/gunfight sequence, and one of the most entertaining car chases I've seen - with a high flying ending! - this film is full to the brim with action. Ironically, for being a film that's borderline spoof, the action is some of the best I've seen in a long time in American film. Honestly!

Then there is the brilliant casting. Clive Owen owns as Mr. Smith and delivers the action and amazing one liners with so much seriousness that its hilarious. Not to mention having his arch nemesis cast as the ever changing Paul Giamatti. When they exchange words the writing is brilliantly awful and one is going to love every minute of it. From now on in my reviews I wanted to have a quote to begin it from the film, but this film has some many memorable and great lines that it was hard for me to pick just one!

If you couldn't tell, I can't praise this film enough. It worked on every level for me and it pulled off one of the greatest action films in the history of film while doing it with a solid lack of taste and class. This is a must have!

Written By Matt Reifschneider