Keep It Closed: Skeletons in the Closet (2024) Review

Director: Asif Akbar

Notable Cast: Terrence Howard, Valery M. Ortiz, Cuba Gooding Jr, Udo Kier, Appy Pratt, Louis Mandylor, Michelle Jubilee Gonzalez, Clifton Powell, Ariana Deppe, Michelle Wang, Sally Kirkland

 

Niche entertainment services will always have content that wouldn’t make it anywhere else. Hallmark often weaves a tale of the city girl who finds herself (and a new love interest) in a small town, usually with a dog and hot chocolate, and she will inevitably fall into every predictable trap on her way to rediscovering her traditional values. Crunchyroll has some anime that might make even the most seasoned anime lover roll their eyes, and the NBA has the modern slam dunk contest. All these specialty services offer audiences the opportunity to find hidden gems, a pursuit that sometimes pans out and sometimes not.

Shudder is no different, except that the horror community is particularly divisive, potentially even more than diehard NBA fans, which makes finding gold a subjective and challenging task. I wish I could say that I was writing today about a story of finding gold, but alas, I am not. Skeletons in the Closet has every signature failing of a Hallmark movie but as a horror feature. Let me say that I REALLY wanted to like this. I tried very hard to give it time, if only for its star-laden cast, but it never materialized into anything worth watching.

Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich (2018)

Directors: Sonny Laguna, Tommy Wiklund

Notable Cast: Thomas Lennon, Nelson Franklin, Jenny Pellicer, Michael Pare, Barbara Crampton, Charlyne Yi, Matthias Hues, Udo Kier

Hype is a cruel mistress. When the Puppet Master reboot was announced there was general shock from the horror community. Not only was Charles Band still going strong with his own Puppet Master series, but he made it very clear that he would not be ending his series in light of this reboot. If anything, Puppet Master was a franchise that desperately needed the reboot retreat and probably has for decades. The announcement, along with inclusion of genre auteur S. Craig Zahler as the writer, was somewhat refreshing. When you add that the film was directed by Sonny Laguna and Tommy Wiklund, who delivered the stylish if flawed Blood Runs Cold which was made for the amount of money someone might collect from couch cushions, then there was hype. Too much hype. As the credits rolled on Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich, it was hard not to feel a sense of disappointment. So much potential and the film was focused on delivering a silly, tongue-in-cheek experience that Band’s series is known for instead of delivering something a bit different.