Riddick (2013)

Director: David Twohy
Notable Cast: Vin Diesel, Matthew Nable, Jordi Molla, Katee Sackhoff, Dave Bautista, Bokeem Woodbine, with cameos by Karl Urban and Keri Hilson

Outside of the odd ability for "Pitch Black" to takes its B-grade foundations and convert them to an A-grade film, the Riddick series stumbled when it tried to advance itself into an A-grade series with the second entry "Chronicles Of Riddick." Not that "Chronicles" was the atrocity that so many people make it out to be, it's not a great film by any means, but the Riddick franchise was firmly rooted in the over the top and often silly realm of action series of old. It's a style and focus that you either understand or you don't...which is what makes the third entry of the franchise such an intriguing one. "Pitch Black" might have risen above its means and "Chronicles" might have tried too hard to be something it wasn't, but "Riddick" knows and caters to the fan base with such intensity and ferocity that if you're a fan it's hard not to find something you love.

Don't misunderstand me, it's hard not to be torn about the qualities of "Riddick." On one hand, the film is a massively entertaining film that caters to 'vulgar auteur' in me with terribly cheesy dialogue, super violent action sequences, and characters that focus on fitting stereotypes more than real people. This was what was promised to us and I'll be damned if "Riddick" doesn't deliver on this promise. On the other hand, all of those previously mentioned aspects make for a film that can hardly be taken seriously or judged on a 'classic' scale of good or bad. Just know that going into this film that you should probably check your coat and brain at the door and just except the film for what it is.

"Now it's your turn Urban to save a dying franchise with Dredd!"

So let's actually look at the various elements of "Riddick" and whether or not they work. Firstly, it's hard not to love Vin Diesel. The man was born to play this titular character and he delivers on all fronts. While some of his dialogue and lines might be atrociously bad (...there are bad days and then there are legendary bad days...), he delivers it in such a fun and semi-serious way that I was willing to eat up every word. The rest of the cast tends to be a bit more hit or miss. "Riddick" is populated with some great B-grade character actors and they all have the ability to chew scenery, which they do eagerly. Jordi Molla plays a smarmy crusty villain with relative ease (he's done it before in films like "Columbiana" and "Bunraku") and Matthew Nable gives some grounded foundation - and character arc - to the film for some much needed reality at times. I was relatively disapointed in the lacking character work for both Katee Sackoff and Dave Bautista, but they could eat scenes if they wanted to and do frequently.

Riddick with his tiger-wolf-horse-hyena thing.

Outside of the cast, the film has a little trouble giving us a cohesive narrative. "Riddick" feels like three films threaded together. The first third, my favorite portion, has a lone Riddick struggling to survive on a harsh planet populated by pissed off CGI creatures. The narration here is fun and the pacing brisk as we watch Riddick do what he does best, rise to the occasion to kick ass. While it does have some odd moments (a naked Riddick walking on the rocks was a little awkward), this first portion really sets a standard that the rest of the film has trouble following. The second act focuses on our mercenaries who come to find Riddick. They bicker and banter for a while and its fun to see Riddick go into stealth mode, but the film tends to drag a little here. This portion does, however, add a nice connection to the first film which I didn't see coming. The third act then goes straight for "Pitch Black" mode as the few surviving mercs and Riddick have to escape the planet from the evil scorpion aliens who intend to kill them. This is perhaps the most action oriented portion of the film and is easily the most exciting even if it still lacks a bit of the charm of the first act. While all three have their pros and cons, sometimes the transitions between the three feel a bit forced.

SAFE!

Even with some of its missed opportunities with secondary characters and storytelling, I still have to admit that I loved "Riddick." Director/writer Twohy understood what the fans of this series wanted and gave us all of the elements we wanted to 'reboot' this franchise. It's fully understandable why critics seemed to want to shit all over this film, but for this critic it was everything that the doctor ordered. It's hyper violent, fun, over the top in style, and utterly dedicated to setting up Riddick for more adventures as the lone ranger of anti-heroes. For this, I couldn't be happier with the film.

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Welcome To The Punch (2013)

Director: Eran Creevy

Notable Cast: James McAvoy, Mark Strong, Andrea Riseborough

Sometimes the Hollywood movie machine confuses me. Well, most of the time. What kinds of film get chosen for theatrical distribution can be something of a rat race and it leaves certain films to sort of suffer and fall into the dreaded “straight to home video” category. Take “Welcome To The Punch” as a prime example. Two major British stars in McAvoy and Mark Strong and produced by none other then Ridley Scott. It’s understandable why this film didn’t get more coverage in the US in many ways, but with this kind of draw it should have had a much better limited release. Yet, here we are with a decent little thriller getting the same kind of treatment “Two-Headed Shark” gets. It’s simply not fair for a solid film like this.

So why should a film like “Welcome To The Punch” get better treatment? For a thriller, this film has a lot more balls then most of the generic pieces of waste that grace the genre. In an odd way, “Welcome To The Punch” is a mixture of European style modern thriller and an old school 80s Hong Kong gun fu flick. It’s less artsy than the theatrical flop and oh so very awesome “Dead Man Down,” but it’s still a fun and spirited film that had me going the entire time with its “whodunit” mysteries and dark characters.

Mark Strong doing his best "hitman" look.

“Welcome To The Punch” starts off as a fairly standard cops and robbers affair. Obsessed cop Max Lewinsky, played with nice dark streak by James McAvoy, fails to capture his criminal nemesis and gets his knee blown out in the process. Not only does the knee never heal properly, but neither does his pissed off psyche which while fairly one toned here, McAvoy ably handles. The film changes tone at this point to dive into the more standard murder mystery thriller when a young man perishes from a gunshot wound and McAvoy and his new partner are tagged to the case. As it turns out, this kid is the son of his evil criminal nemesis Sternwood, who storms in with icy glares and strong subtlety, and both of them are looking to find out who – and more importantly, why – this crime was committed. Shit turns south and soon the two find themselves playing for the same side and the rules don’t count.

Writer/director Eran Creevy seems to understand why thrillers work and he makes “Welcome To The Punch” follow the formula fairly closely. Dark, flawed characters make up a majority of the film and the plot seems fairly standard as conspiracies arise and the body count rises. To be honest, while the plot was decent, it’s far from being truly smart or all that clever. The characters tend to be the reason to keep interested.

It must be his glowing personality...

From there though, Creevy executes to fairly high standard. He has a slick modern visual style, even if the gray toned color palette rarely thrills, and its obvious that he has an eye to keep a film like this entertaining. The production values are solid and help the film raise itself above mediocre and there is enough action sequences that action fan in my was surprised. I’m sure by now, dear readers, which you are wondering where my claim of Hong Kong gun fu influence comes in. This is where it resides. Visually, Creevy establishes a strong John Woo influence and there are a couple of action set pieces, in particular a shoot out in an abandoned club, which glows of gun fu worship. Hell, even the concept of a remorseful killer and a rogue cop teaming up owes a good portion of its foundations to “The Killer.” It’s this Hong Kong inspired dressing that truly made “Welcome To The Punch” worth the time watching.

Welcome to the gun fu.

While the film definitely has its flaws in the formulaic presentation, oddly added subplots (including an off kilter romantic one that seems to pop up out of nowhere), and two color characters, I have to still say that “Welcome To The Punch” was a solid and entertaining film. It has a slew of charm under its belt, a strong director with visual flair, and enough of “The Killer” that fans will immediately recognize the style. It’s not a thriller for everyone, but it’s a fine worth the purchase.

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Dreamaniac (1986)

DREAMANIAC

There is a terrible stigma carried with the phrase “direct-to-video” today which is usually synonymous with cheap and all around shitty filmmaking. This of course is not always the case but happens to be true more often than not. Back in the mid-80s however the term “direct-to-video” was worn as a badge of honor, with DTV films proudly proclaiming on their video box artwork that they were “too gory for the silver screen” and other bullshit statements of the sort. This of course was far from the truth as they were no gorier than their theatrical counterparts and, much like today’s oversaturated DTV film market, were just as shitty and cheap.

With the tagline “You don’t have to go to Elm Street to have a nightmare” it’s obvious this forgettable feature is a rip-off of Wes Craven’s ground-breaking film "A Nightmare on Elm Street". We have a heavy metal musician that dabbles in Satanism (though I question him being a ‘heavy metal’ musician we are introduced to him wearing a Def Leppard shirt… come on man! Display some SLAYER!). He summons a succubus who haunts his dreams, which is according to a character in the film, is a female demon that fucks men and then kills them but not always in that order. The succubus shows up at a party later and one-by-one starts killing all the teenagers, virgins and sluts alike.

“Dreamaniac” opens with what is possibly the slowest and most boring opening credits ever no doubt drug out to get the film over the 75 minute mark. After the dreadfully slow opening credits slasher fans are then graced with a dreadfully slow film with only a few bloody kills to break-up the tedium.  Everything else is absolutely the lowest common-denominator of filmmaking with cheapjack lighting and directing and porn-level acting. All this is wrapped up with a cop-out ending that that will ensure to make the viewer face palm their head so hard they might die of a skull fracture.

“Dreamaniac” was made at the height of the home video craze and it served its purpose at the time by giving slasher film fanatics a little more blood in their diet.  Today, however, there is absolutely nothing about the film to make it worth digging up.  This is not a “lost” gem by any means as the tedious pacing overall cheap filmmaking makes many of today’s direct-to-video slasher’s look like gold in comparison. I can only recommend this film to collectors of slashers of the golden age otherwise one is better off re-watching “Nightmare on Elm Street 5” instead. Seriously, “Nightmare 5” is better than this! The back of the box artwork even goes as far to claim "makes Freddy look like a bargain basement boogeyman". In the words of my brother "leave it to a bargain basement knock off to make that claim".

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Grandmaster, The (2013)

Director: Wong Kar Kai
Notable Cast: Tony Leung, Zhang Ziyi, Wang Qingxiang, Zhang Jin, Chang Chen, Cung Le, Yuen Woo Ping

While the trend to pump out as many Ip Man films as possible continues to flood the market (thanks mostly to the Wilson Yip/Donnie Yen combo of films that took the world by storm), this latest incarnation seems to be the most intriguing. "The Grandmaster" has already seen numerous different cuts of the film and it's the first Ip Man film to see serious wide distribution in theaters in the US. That's right. A theatrical release in over 700 theaters. While I found the film to be disappointing overall, it's still easy to praise "The Grandmaster" for what it does right even if it's far from the film that deserved this honor of a major theatrical release in the US.

While "The Grandmaster" has earned its fair share of stellar reviews from various sources of merit, I'm not one that normally looks to those sites and magazines for opinions on martial arts films to be honest, I still had high hopes for it. Wong Kar Kai is a phenomenal director, Tony Leung and Zhang Ziyi are astounding actors, and Yuen Woo Ping is damn near a grandmaster himself when it comes to kung fu choreography. This film had a lot going for it. So to say that I came out rather confused and irritated says something...

Wong Kar Kai loves using rain and snow in this film.

Granted, Wong Kar Kai knows how to make the small details grand and this helps "The Grandmaster" reach that level of artistry that most of the other Ip Man based films haven't reached. He uses lots of subtle character moments to keep the audience interested and his eye for striking dramatic visuals make for some dynamic elements that bring Yuen Woo Ping's choreography to life. What I didn't like about "The Grandmaster" was the relatively disjointed process that it goes about showing us the middle years of Ip Man. The film can be divided into essentially two segments. The first third of the film is a stellar martial arts piece, focusing on the heart and soul of why martial arts was so important to Chinese culture even in the wake of shifting world of the 1930s. It has relentless fight bursts that really delve into each style and relevance to each character. While Wong Kar Kai's use of slow motion is epic, it does grate down on you after a while even here and was essentially the only complaint I had about this first third. Except for perhaps an ill used cameo by Cung Le in the rain fight...but we can't have everything can we.

From there the film takes a turn for the super dramatic and often too artsy path. The rest of the film sort of blinks in and out of Ip Man's life giving us little glimpses into mere moments. While it's an artistic choice to do so to cover more ground by the director and writers, it also happens to be a bit schizophrenic in the overall storytelling abilities. Secondary characters like the assassin Razor or the villainous Ma San become after thoughts of the style and major moments in Ip Man's life (like moving to Hong Kong and leaving his family) feel like random blurbs via Twitter with no effect on his overall character. Even our leading lady Gong Er, played with strong finesse by Zhang Ziyi, seems to become something of a half thought as the film rolls on never quite reaching that emotional connection needed for me to give two shits about her character's existence or fate. "The Grandmaster" just sort of meanders around giving us art focused moments, but no cohesion to the rhyme or reason of it all only to end on a rather cheesy note.

Test your might!

While I do have to give the film a bit of benefit of the doubt considering I saw a cut with 22 minutes missing from the Chinese version, it's hard for me to fully recommend this film to those looking for a truly inspired martial arts picture. When it's on the mark, boy oh boy is "The Grandmaster" a beautiful film to behold, but after the first 20 minutes the jumbled flow undermines any greater feelings or attachment I should have held and it sort of fades from memory. I'm sure there are going to be some of those artsy-fartsy fans out there that can't get enough of reading into the edits and the wording of the massive amounts of title cards that had to explain to the audience what was actually happening outside of this atmosphere driven coughs, but don't count me in that boat. A potentially heroic film simply can't find its own foundations in an overzealous work of fancy...and it's simply disappointing.

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Royal Warriors (1986)

ROYAL WARRIORS

Aka "In the Line of Duty II", "In the Line of Duty", "Police Assassins", "Ultra Force"

Asian audiences went gaga over D & B’s production of “Yes, Madam” and solidified the new subgenre “girls with guns” as box office gold. It would only be natural for a sequel to follow and thus Michelle Yeoh returns in “Dirty Harry” fashion as her sexy gun totting police officer in “Royal Warriors”, an even better sequel and second entry into the long running “In the Line of Duty” franchise. Much like the sequels to come the titling can be confusing, scratch that, MAJORLY confusing. Known in many countries as “In the Line of Duty II”, the film was also released as just “In the Line of Duty” with the first film, “Yes Madam”, being released as “In the Line of Duty II”. Essentially the first film became the sequel - seriously this has to be one of the most fucked up franchises ever when it comes to titling!

Michelle Yoeh, while on a plane ride, foils a convict from escaping with the aid of a Japanese detective and transportation police officer. His war buddies don’t take to kindly to their friends being knocked off so they set out for vengeance, killing family members and acquaintances of the three poeple that did their friends in along the way for revenge.

What makes this sequel work better than the original is that it tones down the slap-stick comedy that was laid on so thick in the first film. The comedy here is more sparse allowing the film to focus more on its violent action sequences, which are aplenty. The film however isn’t without its head slapping dumb moments including Yeoh pulling an armored vehicle out of her ass for the climatic fight sequence. Seriously where did she find that piece of shit? Also the love interest is an annoying ass, playing opposite sex ‘damsel in distress’ role that is constantly getting into trouble and showering our lead with flowers. To the films betterment it is rather unpredictable when it comes to the death of characters and people audiences never expected to die suddenly get blown away.

The toned down slap-stick comedy, impressive action sequences and unpredictable character deaths help raise the film above the original film and helps audiences deal with its numerous flaws (again with the armored vehicle). “Royal Warriors” was a success but marked the final screen presence of its main star Michelle Yeoh who would retire from the franchise, and momentary from acting, as she settled down with the production companies CEO. This didn’t bury the franchise however as Cynthia Khan took over the role for the next five entries into the series and a few of the sequels to follow are even better than this entertaining entry.

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Last Tycoon, The (2013)

Director: Wong Jing
Notable Cast: Chow Yun Fat, Sammo Hung, Francis Ng, Huang Xiaoming, Yolanda Yuan, Yuan Li, Monica Mok

While Chow Yun Fat might not be doing the action packed films he was doing 15 years ago, he consistently thrills every time he appears onscreen. Well outside of "Bulletproof Monk," where he might have been the one saving grace, he usually appears in only top tier films. You can add "The Last Tycoon" to that last too. While this epic historical drama might not have as much action as I would have hoped to cater to the 'gun fu' fan in me, the riveting tale of a poor man rising to the top allows for some of his best work in a film that deserves more accolades in the world wide scene then it has been receiving.

Cheng Daqi (Chow Yun Fat) has had a rough battle in his life. Growing up poor, he lost the love his life when her father made her move to find a better life and in an attempt to make something of himself he joins the criminal underworld under the guiding arms of Hong Shouting (Sammo Hung). There he rises quickly to become one of the most powerful men in Shanghai only to find himself at the mercy of a war against Japan that could ruin everything.

A brilliant shot of how the sets work for character tone.

As I sat watching "The Last Tycoon," I kept having a recurring thought. Why has this film been so massively overlooked? While it has gotten to the point that Well Go USA has been delivering unique and fantastic Asian films over and over again, why wasn't there more coverage of "The Last Tycoon" at the various film festivals and international markets when it was first released? As is, it leaves this intense drama as a relative precious gem undiscovered for many fans and if it wasn't released by a mainstream distribution company like Well Go to get it into our hands.

Now I'm sure you are left with the question, why is this film such a gem? Let's start with its challenging plot. While the structure of the film tends to leave a bit to be desired as it leaps between two time periods (one that explains how he rose to power as a young man and the other his fall from power at the onset of World War II), the journey there as a character study is strongly expressed. "The Last Tycoon" is beautifully shot to maximize its sets including a 1930s Shanghai and the film is grounded with phenomenal performances from Chow Yun Fat and a rather impressive performance from Huang Xiaoming who plays a perfect younger Chow Yun Fat. While the secondary cast tends to always play second fiddle to our leads, there is some very impressive performances there with Sammo Hung and Francis Ng delivering instantly memorable roles even with little in the way of full character development.

Huang Xiaoming steals every scene he is in.

"The Last Tycoon" also has a few solid action set pieces that really impressed me. While I wasn't necessarily expecting them, I was far more focused on the great character study and historical placement, fans of gun fu era of Chow Yun Fat will be surprised to find a couple moments tucked into the film. A massive street fight has some brutal knife fights, there is a John Woo inspired church shootout, and the finale is both heart-breaking and epic in its scope as our lead Chen Daqi decides to step up to be the heroic man we've seen him as outside of his rise to power using illegal means. Even if none of these moments are the focus, they are a welcome addition to a film with solid foundations.

If anything, any of the structural flaws or underdeveloped sub-plots (including a love triangle that feels like it needed a bit more meat at the end) is that this film is too large for its play time. Most of it is great when it happens, but it's hard not to crave a little more. When "The Last Tycoon" delivers its A+ material from its story to its character work to it's impressively shot action moments. It's not perfect (is there any film that's truly perfect?), but dammit this is truly a gem of Chinese modern film making that should have garnered much more attention then it has thus far. If you are a Chow Yun Fat fan, then you have to purchase this film. "The Last Tycoon" is a highlight film in his career.

Written By Matt Reifschneider

"The Last Tycoon" gets its official release from Well Go USA on September 17th, 2013. The links below can be used for purchase and pre-order. Support foreign cinema. Support Well Go USA. Support Blood Brothers. Order your copy right now!

Ten Tigers Of Kwangtung (1980)

Director: Chang Cheh

Notable Cast: Ti Lung, Ku Feng, Fu Sheng, Sun Chien, Lu Feng, Wei Pai, Kuo Chui, Lo Mang, Chiang Sheng

The fact that “Ten Tigers Of Kwangtung” had an essential all star cast of Shaw Brothers A-list martial artists and was directed by the illustrious Chang Cheh instantly sets it up for failure in many ways. While one might want the film to be an “Avengers” like accumulation of charm, action, and awesomeness, the film comes off more like an “Ocean’s Thirteen” with far too much talent that’s essentially wasted on throw away characters and an overly ambitious plot that seems unsure of what to do with half of them anyway. While the film is saved to some extent by its star power with a few strong performances and a strong sense of action sequence pacing, the rest of “Ten Tigers” stumbles to get it right overall.

When a young man and corrupt leader combine forces to extract revenge on five young ‘brothers’ they set into motion a plan to bring the legendary “Ten Tigers” out of hiding to finish a plan that failed years prior when the Ten Tigers originally joined forces to establish a rebellion against the authorities.

The guy with the stick obviously doesn't know the stance yet.

The idea behind “Ten Tigers” is quite simply…fucking epic. Ten legendary fighters teaming together to kick start a rebellion against the authorities? A cast of legendary Shaw actors like Ti Lung and a handful of the Venoms mob make for a film that any self respecting Shaw Brothers fan needs to see and under the direction of Chang Cheh, “Ten Tigers” does sport some charismatic performances all the way around as each member comes packing with a gimmicky kung fu style to help out including a man whose fingers are unbreakable and immensely strong. While the action is impressive, particularly towards the end, it’s the cast that’s the most impressive of all.

"Rock, paper...STOOL!"

“Ten Tigers” isn’t the perfect film though. Despite all of the elements it has going for it with cast and director, the concept of “Ten Tigers” is simply too big for the film. It’s almost like there was a “Ten Tigers” and a “Ten Tigers” sequel that were mashed together to try and make one large epic film. The main story is actually about the Ten Tigers’ sons who are being killed off one by one by the vengeful son of a corrupt leader whom the original Ten Tigers had to kill in their rebellion. So the film jumps back with elongated flashbacks to the original Ten Tigers (this is where are amazing cast resides) and how they came together outside of their differences to kick ass. It then jumps back to the present to continue the main story. The leaping back and forth tends to be a little jarring at times and while most of the character development is left for the flashbacks, the sons of our heroes tend to be left with little in the way of development. There are far too many characters to begin with in both stories, but combing them leaves even less time for anything outside of a few to be fleshed out.

"Where's my character arc?!"

On the plus side, the film has enough action and crazy martial arts sequences to satiate any kung fu fans’ hunger. In the flash backs, our heroes settle their differences with a solid amount of fist-to-cuffs and in the “present” sequences, the sons have to team up to fight ridiculously gimmicky villains and their assassination weapons. The latter leads to one of the most epic decapitations I have ever seen on film let alone in a kung fu film. Oh Chang Cheh, you always did know how to jack the violence of your films to the next level.

“Ten Tigers” is still a massively entertaining film and despite flaws in trying to jam two movies worth of material into one and rather broad stroke characters, the charming cast and vicious fight sequences fill in for many of those issues. As a Shaw Brothers fan, it’s a great film for my collection even if I’m occasionally dumbfounded by the lacking cohesion of the film.

Written By Matt Reifschneider

BTooom! episodes 1-12 (2012)

Let the games begin! 

Hey gang! I am excited to bring you all another anime review and it hasn't even been a month. Somebody has actually had a bit of free time lately and I have filled it with some pretty awesome anime titles.

This anime title is another in the fine line of titles brought to us by Sentai and Madhouse studios. Which, by the way, has put out some of my favorite titles hands down. "Btooom!" is yet another adaptation from a manga series which is kind of like American comic books, meaning that there is basically an endless supply of stories to pull from and I am totally fine with it.  So here it is, my review of "BTooom!"

Story- After waking up dangling from a tree strapped in a parachute our lead character Ryouta Sakamoto quickly realizes he ain't in Kansas anymore. Upon freeing himself he learns that he is on a tropical island and all the other inhabitants are trying to kill him. Within the first battle Sakamoto starts piecing together that this life or death game is oddly similar to a mega popular video game he was playing back home. "BTooom!" which is played by throwing bombs at your opponent. Last one standing wins sort of thing. Through a series of flashback scenes we learn how and why these people were chosen for this game.

Review- Do you like an action packed anime series plus have a soft spot for all things video games? Well then "BTooom!" is the one for you. This series was one helluva good time. From non stop bomb exploding action, to the coming together of teams, to figuring out you just can't let your guard down. No one is to be trusted. The plot really isn't anything new or original but if you think it is anything like "SAO" or "Hack/" you would be mistaken. Yes, there are similar elements with the whole battle in the video game/virtual reality thing but this is different. They bring the video game to real life and when you die you die . Of course you have several players that are very familiar from the VG version which help to aid them in real fights. The aforementioned Sakamoto is the #1 Japanese player and 10th best in the world. However it isn't just gamers that are stranded on this fantasy island of death, it is low lifes and even a member of high society looking to win this game and get back to their old lives. Visually, the whole series looks great. Lots of cool action shots and explosion scenes that really pop (no pun intended). The music for this series really set the mood for me too. Fast pace rock themes really played into the style of the series. Overall I enjoyed this series. I only real complaint is it ended so abruptly, I feel it could use a second season just to really wrap up the story holes.

So I will end with this. "BTooom!" has great action, a bit of romance mixed with violence and gore. The plot/story is solid not great. For my entertainment buck "BTooom!" brought it all. My rating is a healthy...

Written By John Price

 Be sure and comment if you have something you would like me to review.

Return To Nuke 'Em High (Volume 1) (2013)

Director: Lloyd Kaufman

Notable Cast: Asta Paredes, Catherine Corcoran, Zac Amico, Vito Trigo

Ahh Troma. The film distribution and production company where debauchery, nudity, gratuitous violence and musical numbers all go hand in hand. Troma has released a lot of movies but nothing beats the heyday of the 80s and the 90s with classics like “The Toxic Avenger,” “Tromeo and Juliet,” and “Terror Firmer.” Now it seems like Troma is revisiting those days with a late sequel, “Return to Nuke ‘Em High.” Yet, those who have seen “Kill Bill” would be familiar with how this film rolls out as it’s only “Volume 1” with “Volume 2” still in the works. The “Class of Nuke ‘Em High” films are very beloved by Troma fans, being a huge favorite delivering on all fronts of what Troma is known for. But the questions remains, can they do it again? Well so far the answer seems to be yes.

“Return to Nuke ‘Em High (Volume 1)” is exactly that; a return to the school that was once condemned thanks to radiation. The school is open once again. Students have to be scanned before entering and the now defunct nuclear power plant is taken over by a health food company. Of course, it’s not Nuke ‘Em High without some radiation! The irresponsible food company who is more concerned with profits than contamination gets their junk in the school cafeteria where it’s eaten by some unsuspecting students, hence we are back in Nuke ‘Em High again. The film itself follows the new rich girl, Lauren, and her encounter with another student that runs a blog against the food company, Chrissy, who also seems to be questioning her sexuality. But it’s also not a "Class of Nuke ‘Em High" without the Cretins! A staple of the franchise, the Cretins are back but probably not the way you’d expect. They are a product of the contaminated tacos that make their way into the school cafeteria.

“Return” starts out with a bang, with some sex and gore that is all very familiar with Troma, setting the tone for the rest of the film. You have your occasional farting, overacting, nudity, debauchery, violence, musical numbers, violence, Lloyd Kaufman, low budget effects, and just plain weird, random, and ridiculous. Well, that just so happens to be a recipe for an entertaining popcorn Troma flick when executed properly which this one mostly is. What really makes the film work is the humor that comes from our two leads and the Cretins. I am very much a fan of the choice of wardrobe and makeup for the Cretins, which perfectly catches the feel of the ones from the original yet also have their own twist. One of the things that I enjoyed the most about “Return to Nuke ‘Em High” is the music. I’ve always been a fan of Troma’s soundtracks and this film is no exception. The film is also unpredictable since you never know what to expect in this film, as it doesn’t seem to follow an exact plot line. But it’s a Troma film so who cares? It actually kind of adds to the film.

Being a film that is actually more like half of one, I can’t say that I’m a fan of the “Volume 1” and “Volume 2” format. The end of “Volume 1” is a little sudden, and I didn’t think it was even ending by the time it rolled around. The poster for the film is really not for “Volume 1,” but for both Volumes so you’ll notice that there are images on it that don’t occur in “Volume 1” at all. Maybe I would have been more of a fan of the idea if I liked the ending more, but in retrospect it isn’t terrible. It’s just not anything exciting. Either way, “Return to Nuke ‘Em High Volume 2” has a lot to deliver with what the film’s poster promises, which makes the wait ever so long! Troma is back to their old selves again so at least we all know that there is more to come. 

Written By Elise Holmes

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Ramblings Of A Deadite

Assassin's Bullet (2013)

Director: Isaac Florentine

Notable Cast: Christian Slater, Mariana Stanisheva, Donald Sutherland, Elika Portnoy, Timothy Spall

Isaac Florentine might not be a A-list director, but it’s hard not to love the fully embraced B-grade awesomeness of his previous films like “Ninja” and the “Undisputed” sequels. When I discovered it was the same Isaac Florentine that was behind this straight to video action thriller “Assassin’s Bullet,” the film went up my viewing queue pretty quickly. While the film was more of a thriller than action, it still very much catered to that same ridiculous vibe that the rest of his films do – albeit without as much of the charm.

When an Embassy worker (Slater) in Bulgaria is asked to assist local law enforcement hunt down a vicious assassin who has been targeting terrorist cells, he reluctantly agrees despite vowing to never do law enforcement again after the death of his wife and his retirement from the FBI.

I had the same face when I found out Slater was still alive.

In an interesting twist on my expectations of the film, there is actually two leads to “Assassin’s Bullet.” While the cover art work and synopsis above might indicate Mr. Christian Slater as our lone hero on the case, he mostly splits time with the female lead Portnoy. While the Slater plot provides most of the basic thriller elements as he investigates some deaths and haphazardly sifts through a generic anti-hero character depression about his wife’s passing and overcoming it, the Portnoy plot adds a more dramatic spin. Unfortunately, she has a bit of trouble carrying the film with her acting and the “twist” of the film is so ridiculously obvious that I failed to even consider it as an option thinking it to be far too cliché for someone like Florentine. It does create some unique plot crossovers that give the charming Slater a bit to work with, but even the best efforts to create intrigue seem to fall flat on this thriller portion.

Donald Sutherland just found out Slater was still alive too (and sitting next to him.)

To add a bit of insult to injury, “Assassin’s Bullet” seems a bit light on the action too. Florentine is known for his action work, so when it does rear its silly head it’s a welcome return to ridiculousness that the film desperately needed to keep its pacing. We get a few assassination moments of intensity including a one person raid and towards the end our hero and villain collide in a brief fist-to-cuffs before there is a bit of gun toting destruction. If it wasn’t for the finale though, it would be hard to call this film even remotely action though which in itself is going to disappoint Florentine fans.

Never judge a person by the quality of their wig.

All in all, “Assassin’s Bullet” entertained for an hour and a half as a cheap thriller, but it wasn’t even near being Florentine’s best or even most entertaining film even if you are a Slater fan. Luckily, Florentine seems to know this and his next film will be “Ninja 2” as he returns to directing Scott Adkins. I think the results might be a little better then this.

Written By Matt Reifschneider