Brooklyn's Finest - 3/5

From the director of "Training Day" and starring one helluva cast ensemble (including the return of Wesley fucking Snipes to theaters!), it was hard for me not to want to love "Brooklyn's Finest". Its a well crafted movie that's almost too well crafted. With stunningly good performances and some great moments, "Brooklyn's Finest" definitely garners a lot of speed behind itself, but it does end up starting to fall apart towards the end and over baking itself in melodrama. Something that seemed bound to happen from minute one.

Three very different police officers are finding themselves drowning in their lives. An older cop (Gere) is apathetic towards everything now and with only 7 days til retirement being stuck with fresh meat rookies is starting to grate on him. A financially drowning drug raid cop (Hawke) finds himself going to the grays of his morals to try to score some extra cash for a down payment on a house that his family (of an unknown and extremely high number of kids and a wife pregnant with twins) desperately needs. An undercover cop (Cheadle) finds himself losing his own identity to the drug runners he's with and his loyalty for the boss that saved his life (Snipes) and his job as a cop come clashing against one another in some rather daunting ways. These three policemen are on a path of redemption that will lead them to a moment where the actions of all three will ultimately effect the others.

Now "Brooklyn's Finest" has a pretty intense story and script. The three tales are all insanely taunt with tension and moral debate and our three lead actors ably take on the role of these struggling cops with a fierceness that only the best actors can bring. Unfortunately, more often than not, the stories feel like too much too quickly as we are bombarded with non-stop emotional qualms and an overzealous score that drains the audience by the time an hour and half rolls by. The drama becomes so thick that a viewer feels rather smothered by it. Of course, it also doesn't help that the last act, when the three tales find themselves coming together, that the loosely plotted finale feels like a rather simplistic shoot out instead of the scrambling for redemption that these characters need to survive. Its almost as if the script didn't know how to end itself and decided that a volley of secondary characters and bullets would suffice to make it happen

Still, despite the many cliche's that the film seems to rally itself around, the film is rather intense and intriguing. Most of this is due to, as I mentioned before, the amazing cast that was able to take these rather overused characters and really delve into them and of course some hit or miss atmospheric and old school directing from Antoine Fuqua. Had these not saved this film from its own melodramatic salt, then this film would have easily sat and boiled itself to death in its own juices.

"Brooklyn's Finest" sits as another good cop n crime film, but doesn't achieve the greatness that the director's other tour de force "Training Day" did. Its a fine watch with some great moments of dialogue and a consistently great acting presence, but this film just falls prey to its own 'greyness' of right and wrong...or shall I say righter and wronger.

BONUS RANT: I was insanely disappointed with the rather run of the mill and flat title card. The font was your average Word document font that people think is cool cause its different and the rather boring way it comes about is disgustingly overused. It was almost too boring for the drama that was to come in the film and thinking back it felt like it was in the wrong place. It was an odd way to start my film experience with "Brooklyn's Finest" and this film deserved a better title sequence. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Star Crystal - 1/5

Oh Lord! What have I done to thee to be cursed with such shitty Alien rip-off in my VHS collection? I mean look at that glorious old VHS artwork. Doesn't that promise a schlocky good time in the vein of Galaxy of Terror and Forbidden World? That awesome VHS artwork sure fooled me and I was sadly dished up a big bowl alien liquid shit instead.

This Alien rip-off has a group of astronauts while exploring a new planet (throwing a football in zero gravity no less!) discover what looks like a baked potato wrapped in tin foil. They bring the damn thing aboard only for what looks like a gooey sock to crawl out (yes boys, if you masturbate into a sock and leave it under your bed it CAN grow into a lifeform!). Later we are introduced to another group of people aboard a space station and do to some electrical malfunction the station blows up! So finally, what seems about halfway through the film we are finally introduced to our main characters who are on a spaceship that just managed to escape the explosion of the station. Sadly this vessel that escaped also has that gooey sock creature which has grown to be the size of a large dog. Our dog sized snot ball decides to start killing off our crew one-by-one, Alien style!

This complete Alien rip-off suffers the most from low production values. I mean the production designer couldn't even design a ship which has hallways no one can stand in! I shit you not the crew has to crawl on their hands and knees to every room! Everything from the shit design of the ship, to the effects, to acting, and to the none-existent directing is AWFUL to the highest extent. It's so damn bad that I only could watch half of the film when I originally bought it at a pawn shop for a measly 50 cents. My sister and I however later found the film to have plenty of unintentional laughter so I easily got my 50 cents worth.

Overall this is a horrible Alien rip-off in the highest degree. This comes nowhere near the entertainment value of Creature or the above mentioned Roger Corman productions. This is definite bottom drawer Alien rip-off material. However just because it's awful doesn't mean it doesn't have some great unintentional laughs. Make sure to listen to the lovable "Crystal of the Star" ballad played throughout the end credits!

Bonus Rant Part I (Spoiler): Our Alien at the end is revealed to be a good alien after he has become a born-again Christian by reading the bible in the ships computer. What!? The damn thing even has the gale to tell our last survivor that he only killed the other crew members because they threatened it in some way. What? The damn think chased one woman around a room and it thinks SHE threatened it! Bullshit!

Bonus Rant Part II: Later VHS releases and the DVD release (which I haven't upgraded to yet) have a very deceptive cover artwork. The artwork was changed to have a more threatening looking Alien and crew-members sleeping in hypersleep tubes. This new artwork was no doubt created to make this look like even more of an Alien rip-off than it already was. Nice try fellas!

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Road, The - 5/5

Welcome to "The Road", perhaps one of the most depressing yet impactful films one can see. Particularly since the post-apocalyptic genre tends to be filled to the brim with ridiculous over-the-top stories and hard to believe characters, its refreshing to find a film that can take the genre and jab straight into the artistic heart of what the genre can be. Superbly crafted and well written, "The Road" is a film that's going to make you question your own life and your own choices. Something that great film can, and probably, should do.

The world is a shit hole. Some untold event has driven the world into a wasteland where no animals and no plant life are able to survive. But like the cockroaches we are, humanity seems to drive on in different ways. A man and his son, about a decade or so after the end of the known world, are on their way south to avoid the cold and winter of living north. They search for food along the long road south and along with finding themselves cornered by cannibals or fighting off hunger and cold, the man and his son learn a lot about themselves and about life.

"The Road" is basically the opposite of most post-apocalyptic films. Driven by subtlety, great acting, and minimalistic styles of film making, "The Road" accomplishes many things as the audience is tortured by the devastation that has happened to the world and the many new (and relatively old) dangers that this man and son face in the dead world. This minimalistic approach makes many of the themes and acting a force to reckon with as we are hardly ever treated to more than grey shades of a dying world (that is counterbalanced beautifully with the vibrant orange and yellow glow of the man's flashbacks) and a starkly distant and mostly bare piano score.

The director and actors rarely use flair or charisma to tell their tale, but root their artistic choices in realism and negative/positive energies. Allowing the silence and space of the film to tell more things that dialogue or fancy camera shots could. Its these choices that make this film rather riveting to watch even more so than many of the other films of a similar tale could.

Of course, the highlight of the film has to go to Mr Mortensen and his able bodied performance as the man. Without the dialogue to back him on this one, he is able to fully pass along his pain and responsibility of going from a world of peace and love to one of desolation and fear with a single look into the sky or a moment of holding his son's hand. Even Smit-McPhee as the son handles his role quite well (children stars always have the toughest critics) and his chemistry with Viggo is thick in the film.

"The Road" is a fantastic and heavy film that deserves more praise than it probably has already received. To take a genre notoriously known for being cheesy and to give it that much weight and realism is pure talent for the feat. Definitely a film to own even for main-streamers instead of just you cult fans out there.

BONUS PRAISE: The supporting cast in this does just as well as our leads. I was amazed with Robert Duvall's impact for his brief time on screen and even the sudden, and much appreciated, appearance of Guy Pearce towards the end was damn well done. This film just scored on most every level. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

2019: After The Fall Of New York (1983)

2019: AFTER THE FALL OF NEW YORK

AKA: AFTER THE FALL OF NEW YORK

"I don't have time to jaw with anyone who won't identify themselves." Remember that line of dialogue if you run into "actor" Michael Sopkiw by chance as it is one of many memorable lines from this hilarious (unintentionally of course) Italian rip-off of Escape from New York. I actually first found out about this film when I was a freshman in high school because I was told this was released in some countries as an unofficial sequel to Escape From New York. Being a huge fan of that film I had to hunt out this Italian rip-off and low and behold I scored the original Vestron video as an ex-rental (I miss Vestron). The film threw me for a loop at first as it was a truly awful film... but upon second viewing I discovered the films grand entertainment value and over time 2019 has become one of my all-time biggest guilty pleasures.

Like I mentioned the film is a complete rip-off of John Carpenter's dystopian action flick and it opens with an awful model of a post nuke New York City (with a mutant playing a sax over the visuals!). An awkward narration starts up telling us that two warring nations had a nuclear war and that all women in the world have been rendered sterile. Then a long sequence begins with soldiers (wearing ridiculous outfits) killing mutants within the city wan guns that fire rounds with an AWFUL whining sound. This sound does become incredibly annoying after a while and each time I watch the film I always have the erg to quick draw the remote for the mute option. Soon we are introduced to our anti-hero Parsifal (what a name!) who wins a road warrior type demolition derby. He is then captured by military tycoons and flown to Alaska where he is given a do or die option to go into New York (sound familiar?) in order to find the last fertile female. Lots of action ensues as our hero and his sidekicks try to get her out alive.

Our "hero" really is a cheap clone of Snake Plissken without the patch. Michael Sopkiw may have only made four Italian B films but he's actually adequate in the role. The rest of the cast is very colorful for a B-film and all are unique. We get a one-eyed muscle guy, an ex-school teacher with mechanical arm, and even a midget, get this, named Shorty! There are all sorts of weird situations our heroes get into including coming across a village of midgets living in the sewers and even a group of de-evolved apelike humans. The action is decent even if it rip-offs other more popular action films. There's even a sequence at the end where our hero has to drive through a mined tunnel that completely rips-off the mined bridge sequence from Escape From New York.

To be honest there isn't anything good in this film but it all somehow comes together to make a fun time. The dialogue is embarrassingly awful yet at the same time very quotable. The worst part of the film however has to be the insanely bad model effects and everything from the worn torn city to flying spaceships look like they were taken directly out of an old Godzilla film. Even with all the awfulness the concept behind the film is actually quit good and I always thought the idea would actually make a good sequel to Escape From New York. Can you imagine Snake Plissken given another due or die mission to go back into New York after a nuclear holocaust to find the last fertile female? I sure can! Ironically the concept of this B film would be sort of reworked/ripped-off in the 2006 film Children of Men. Yes even "B" movie concepts can be "A" movie material!

Bonus Rant (Spoiler): At the end of the film our hero, his girlfriend and his muscle bound sidekick survived New York and are driving away while Parsifal confronts him for being a cyborg. The cyborg then goes nuts and kills his girlfriend. I understand Parsifal didn't like cyborgs but the damn thing helped him survive New York! Why confront and provoke it when it helped you! His girlfriend died of his own bullheadedness!

 Written By Eric Reifschneider

Last Hunter, The - 2.5/5

Did you know that there was a sequel to the 1978's academy award winning film to The Deer Hunter? Chances are you didn't but then again do unofficial Italian sequels count anyways? Believe it or not Antonio Margheriti's macaroni combat cult classic The Last Hunter was originally made as a "sequel" to The Deer Hunter. The Deer Hunter was released in Italy as Il Cacciatore and I shit you not The Last Hunter was originally made as Cacciatore 2. Promotional posters were even printed up with this title! Wisely though the title was changed to L'ultimo Cacciatore before release so now The Last Hunter is just merely a rip-off of The Deer Hunter instead of a "sequel." They probably changed the title because they knew no one would believe a cheap Italian film by B-movie vet Antonio Margheriti would be a "true" sequel to one of the best films ever made.

The Last Hunter (a title that really has no relevance to the film) takes place during the Vietnam war and our G.I. David Warbeck is assigned to go stop a radio DJ that is broadcasting anti-war messages to troops from her radio station deep in strong territory. The kicker is she is the widow of Warbeck's best friend who ended up killing himself. Can he separate his emotions from his mission?

The Last Hunter marked a new chapter in the Macaroni Combat subgenre as it was the first film to take place during the Vietnam War (almost all previous films in the genre took place during World War II). If you thought it was strange for Italy to make films about the American west then wait till you see some of these films about a war they didn't even partake in! Everything in this film is typical 80's Italian action fashion. We get a ridiculous plot, over-the-top violence, anti-heroes, stylish directing, and a kick ass synth score that is delightfully awkward considering the backdrop of the film. What's all this mean? A great time for fans of cheesy Italian action films that's what! I would even go as far to say that The Last Hunter is probably Magaratti's best film from his 8o's action rip-off era. If you're a fan of this type of cinema (You people know who you are) then I highly recommend it!

The Last Hunter is actually one of the few Marghareti films to get a proper DVD release here in the States. I was used to watching old worn-out VHS copies and bootlegs so I was delighted to find that Dark Sky Films was going to release the film on DVD fully restored and in widescreen. The film was part of their line of "Antonio Marghareti" films so it got my hopes up eventually seeing other delightfully absurd films of his to come to DVD (Tiger Joe anyone? Hunter of the Golden Cobra?). Sadly I don't think the DVD sold that well so we will probably never see any more lost Marghareti classics come to DVD. DAMNIT!

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The (2009) - 4/5

Although Thrillers are a dime a dozen in the film industry (no matter where in the world you go), occasionally one does seem to rise above the rest. "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" is one of those Thrillers. Its a daunting film with an eye for artistic presence and a thick and heavy atmosphere that will drag you into the trenches along with its characters on a roller coaster ride of subtle yet impactful proportions.

Mikael Blomkvist was set up to fail. He's a damn good reporter with persistence and an eye for detail, but when he tries to take on a major corporation he finds himself looking at a little jail time for his trouble. Its at this odd time that he is approached by an old family business man that is looking to find his lost niece whom disappeared 40 years prior. With a lot of money on the line and a solid challenge on hand, Blomkvist takes the job only to find himself a bit deeper in the mix than he intended. With the help of a mysterious dragon tattooed hacker who has taken an interest with him, he realizes he has more to the story than he intended. Now their lives might be in danger as they discover more than one woman seemed to go missing in connection to their 40 year old case.

This Swedish Thriller has an interesting take for a modern film. It feels very old. The writing feels like something Agatha Christie might have concocted at times (although it definitely has its modern moments with the role of women in society) especially with the family matters and many of the ways that the film is structured and even the film making side of it seems to be done in an older style. It focuses with an almost inhuman focus on details and subtlety to create an atmosphere of intensity based on low energy. Its an odd combination that almost enhances many of the modern aspects of the film (much that has to do with the story) and makes them stick out like beacons. The odd moments of violence and lack of censorship seem to be the biggest of the modern tendencies this film shows. Oddly enough, the balance of old to new in the film is struck very well and it makes it quite the riveting watch.

Unfortunately, not is all rainbows and flowers in a land of death like "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo". The movie does drag along at times with its heavy focus on quiet moments and atmosphere and by the last act it sort of turns from an artsy look on social ideas into a more general feeling Thriller. It still rocks your socks when it wants to even at the more cliche moments towards the end, but it does somewhat disappoint towards the climax.

With a solid cast, both the leads are amazing and devoted to there roles, and a vision that combines elements of the old and new style Thriller, "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" is a fairly stunning and intense watch. Not without its faults, it does strike some great moments and balances that many Thrillers fail to recognize. Definitely looking forward to seeing how the next two films in the series pan out.

BONUS RANT: Why is Hollywood intent on remaking anything with subtitles that is deemed good? This is also getting that treatment from our loving land of big bucks and bullshit films, despite the feeling that this film pretty much did it to the best of its abilities. Its frustrating that American audiences support this kind of mentality. The film isn't that old and its good. Its not like they could do much better, and honestly, I doubt they can. Support this foreign version and its sequels. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Killing Birds [Zombie 5] - 1/5

First off I will say this is NOT a film that is part of the Italian "Zombie" franchise. It was originally released in the United States as "Killing Birds" and the film on the film itself portrays this title. Shriek Show/Media Blasters Entertainment slapped the title "Zombie 5" on the box art to fool people into thinking this is a fifth entry into the series so they would sell more copies. Zombi 3 and "4" were both released in 1988 but Killing Birds was released in 1987...uh that doesn't make sense. Very deceptive indeed. What's next? Is Black Demons going to have the title Suspiria 2: Black Demons scrawled on the box!

Now with that out of the way, let's review the Killing Birds movie itself. Killing Birds was made when the Italian horror market was starting to die off. Many of the genre's worst films were released in this time period of the late 80's and the really early 90's. The genre greats like Lucio Fulci and Dario Argento were showing signs of decline. Even with all the other bad Italian films released during this period, Killing Birds comes out as being one of the worst. This film by Joe D'Amato was filmed in the United States with American Actors so it isn't dubbed like most Italian efforts. The movie however does start off promising as it has a Vietnam vet returning home only to find his wife and lover in bed together. He murders them and her parents that happen to pull up during the incident. While cleaning up the mess in the family Avery, the killer gets his eyes gouged out by one of the family birds. Other than poor gore effects, the scene was done well and the sequence is very Italian. Right after that moment the film takes a huge nosedive as it introduces us to a handful of college students (who can't act) on a campus that apparently are majoring in some "bird" like degree. They get a grant to go find some rare bird which happens to reside near the house where the first four murders took place. They run into a blind Robert Vaughn who is wearing some dreadful prosthetic makeup over his eyes. I have always liked Robert Vaughn as he can usually make bad B-Movies bearable. Sadly he isn't able to here and his character is severely underused. While in the house, the students begin to encounter weird happenings and suddenly two stiff zombies appear. The zombies (who always appear with a very fake "White Light" behind them) come out every so often to kill off the students one by one. Towards the end when only two students remain, Vaughn appears again saying "It's me they want".

A lot of Italian films sacrifice cohesion of story for style but they are still great. Killing Birds however is very incoherent with no style. Who are these two zombies? Are they two of the people who were killed in the beginning? If so, why are they killing off students that had nothing to do with their murder? Are they vengeful spirits like in "The Grudge" who kill everyone who enters the house? Who knows as nothing is ever explained. Even the title "Killing Birds" is deceptive. That title and the rather cool cover art make you think this is going to be an Italian variation of Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds", which it is not. The beginning has the murderer get his eyes gouged out by a bird, but he wasn't killed. The ending (Spoiler Alert) has a badly matted shot of birds flying in the air applied over a shot of a house and with a scream we can safely assume the birds killed Robert Vaughn's character (END Spoiler Alert). Ok...these Killer (not killing) birds killed one person! And again, what is the connection between the birds and the zombies? grrrr....this film is just so mind numbing! Yes it's bad but is it so bad it's good? Frankly no. Sometimes these Italian films are so bad they are hilarious. Zombi 3 and After Death (aka "Zombi 4") are so bad they are funny and entertaining as hell, but Killing Birds is not.

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Predators - 4/5

Well, its been 20 years since we got a true "Predator" film and a good 23 years since the original blasted its way into awesome film history, but as is the modern way, a reboot of the franchise was in call. Luckily for us, the "Predator" fans, this reboot/sequel is in proper form for the series and not only gives us the badass Predator action we craved, but homages the original one nicely for its 20th birthday.

Royce (Brody) woke up in free fall. As in falling from the sky loaded with guns and a parachute. When he lands in a mysterious jungle, he finds that he's not the only one there. With seven other survivors, including some of the worlds most notorious killers, they figure out that they have been chosen and displaced on this jungle planet as prey. They are being hunted by the ultimate of hunters. Three Predators have set their three dot sights on their hides for trophies. Its up to these survivors to out smart, out survive, and out kill their stalkers and somehow find a way off this deadly planet.

What makes "Predators" the sequel we have been waiting for (for 23 fucking years yo!), is that it gets back to the basics of what made the original one such a riot. In fact, its almost so geared towards the fans that it might alienate some of its modern audience. With dialogue ("Kill me! Come on!"), similar scenes (the stand off between the Yakuza and the Predator mirrors Billy's stand off in the original), and even the score for the film being homages to the original, at times I felt bad for my sister's friend whom went with us because he had never seen the original one. For a huge fan like myself, it was a blast to catch all the little details and moments and this film was made for us. So if you haven't seen "Predator" or haven't watched it in a long time, catch up on it before checking out "Predators" - it makes it that much more enjoyable.

As for the film itself, it sticks to its guns quite religiously. The story is pretty basic and it relies heavily on its characters and action to get through it. Although I could have used a bit more plot and perhaps a bit more explanation that wasn't so surface level (why the hell does Isabelle seem to remember every damn detail of Dutch's encounter with the Predator from the original film in some random report on the spot?) and even a bit more character work that wasn't so vague (I'm still a little confused on what the Doctor was and his relevance to how the film ended),the film still worked its magic around its obvious flaws. Focusing on the survival aspect of the film and the action, it definitely knew it was going to take you for a ride and it did. The action was top notch and the special effects where sick. Who doesn't want to see two Predators go at it for a couple of minutes? Honestly? "Predators" knew what it was and it rarely veered off course.

"Predators" isn't a perfect film, some of the comedic moments were a bit forced for my tastes and the story was a bit too vague, but it did exactly what it wanted to do. Antal used some of his solid vintage style to its potential to bring out the 80s vibe nicely and it makes "Predators" a fun and exciting watch. Definitely rewatch the first films so that you can catch all the fun details of this one or you will be missing out on a big part of what "Predators" worked so well.

BONUS RANT: With as much as they hyped Laurence Fishburne for this movie, his part is rather minuscule. He steals every moment he is on the screen with his crazy and creepy portrayal as a man surviving on the planet but his time on the screen was almost too little. I wanted more! More imaginary friends! More details of how he survived! I could have definitely loved to see his character more fleshed out even though he was still awesome for what he was in the film. Not to mention I was hoping his showdown with the Predator would have been a bigger battle, but I think his fight was supposed to be somewhat black humor-ish so it worked in the end. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Nightmare In Wax - 1.5/5

Ever since the release of Mystery of the Wax Museum in 1933 and it's more popular remake House of Wax starring Vincent Price in 1953, wax museums have had a solidified place in horror cinema. However it would be only a matter of time until a film came around to tarnish that creepy setting and that film would finally come in 1969 with Nightmare in Wax, the cancerous grown of all the wax museum horror films that came before it.

Out plot has a madman running a Hollywood based wax museum attraction, only he uses live people as his "wax" creations. It seems years ago our wax artist was engaged to a beautiful actress but her manager wasn't too thrilled and in a fit of rage throws a full class of wine into our artists face while he is smoking a cigarette, setting him ablaze! This sequence is unintentionally hilarious! He survives, scarred up and wearing a patch wreaking revenge on the Hollywood types.

This is truly Z grade material and everything about this film is bottom line, except for our wax artist played by genre great Cameron Mitchell. His presence is the ONLY thing that makes this film actually watchable, shitty makeup and all. The rest is just hogwash with bad acting, novice directing, and absolutely the dumbest cops ever to disgrace a horror film. Perhaps the dumbest aspect of the film is that our wax artist doesn't kill people and then preserve their corpses as wax figures, he instead injects them with some sort of serum in that paralyzes them. He then posses them ALIVE in his wax museum. This is where the ridiculous plot element kicks in as the serum gives out when the victims are exposed to electricity. Cue in the electrical storm and predictably we have our wax figures rise up to take revenge on their "artist."

Fans of Z-grand material will enjoy and I will admit it kept my attention but that doesn't hide the fact this is a very poorly made film. The reputation of the wax museum being a respectable horror setting was tarnished until the release of Waxwork in 1988 brought it back to its former glory... that is until that fucking second House of Wax remake infected theaters in 2005!

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Get Mean - 2/5

The spaghetti western genre was on its last leg going into the late 70's and filmmakers frantically tried new ideas as a desperation to keep the films fresh and interesting. Some westerns went too far trying to make something new and different and Get Mean falls in this category by taking the spaghetti western into extreme absurdity.

Our film opens atmospherically with our "stranger" (Tony Anthony) being dragged by a horse down a dusty valley while tied to the back. Once the horse arrives in a windy ghost town it drops over dead and our stranger stumbles into a bar which happens to have a handful of people who take him in and feed him. It's only 5 minutes into the movie and I am already going WTF. They offer him 50 thousand dollars to take a princess back to Spain (supposedly we are in America) so she can lead her people to defeat "barbarians" taking over her kingdom. Suddenly a group of Vikings break into the bar and our stranger takes them out. He agrees to take our princess back to Spain but once they arrive in Spain, she gets kidnapped by some barbarians after a huge battle that is no less than 10 minutes long! Still wanting his money he pulls a Yojimbo and starts playing sides against each other until the film falls completely apart with incoherency.

Nothing makes a lick of sense in this film as it flows poorly from one absurd sequence to another. In one scene we have our stranger entering into a haunted church and starts literally getting slapped around by a ghost, then cut to him in a cave and suddenly an explosion occurs, cut to him emerging on the surface again completely painted black due to the explosion and then gets chased by an angry bull, then cut one more time to him falling back in the cave. The film has no flow yet it's like a train wreck and one can't keep their eyes off of it. Our villains even attempt to roast our stranger for dinner for Christ sake!

Tony Anthony (my friend Bill thinks his name is hilarious as it is literally "Tony Tony") wins the award for the most bizarre spaghetti western star in Italy as all his western team-ups with director Ferdinando Baldi are strange. He's definitely no Clint Eastwood, Franco Nero or the likes but he does have a charm about him and he adds a lot of humor and funny one liners to the character. I like Tony Tony and he definitely kept my attention to the stitched together plot.

The tone of this film is quite bizarre and it's a mish-mash of genre's with the spaghetti western mold. The tone actually reminds me a lot of Army of Darkness and it makes me wonder if Sam Raimi somehow was able to see this film before getting inspiration for his cult classic. It's just a damn shame the plot is so incoherent! Fans of bizarre alternative cinema will definitely want to hunt this strange flick down.

Bonus Rant: At the beginning of the film it is shown that strange silver orbs "overlooking" our stranger as he is drug into town and they make an appearance at the end also. The orbs got me got me interested but the damn film explains nothing about them! They could video cameras for aliens overlooking our stranger for all I know!

Written By Eric Reifschneider