No Franchise Fatigue Movie Podcast: I Bet Mathayas Is a Pisces (The Scorpion King Franchise Part 2)

The Scorpion King reminds me of the fable of the scorpion and the frog in a way…

-“Hey Mathayus, why did you lose the kingdom?”
-“You knew what I was when you kinged me…”

Regardless, today we finish the Scorpion King franchise! It brings to mind such questions as, if you had one codpiece joke, would it involve a knife? How serious is too serious for this franchise? How do you want to introduce ninjas? Flying kicks? Flying kicks to the crotch? Listen up as we finish off the series and announce our next franchise!

Featuring guest host Derrick Veurink of backlot605.com!

Erik the Conqueror (1961)

Director: Mario Bava

Notable Cast: Cameron Mitchell, Alice Kessler, Ellen Kessler, George Ardisson, Andrea Cecchi, Jacques Delbo, Franco Giacobini, Raffaele Baldassarre, Enzo Doria, Gianni Solaro

No movie was safe from an Italian knock off, particularly if it was popular and made money. Almost every major genre film that made an impact in the 60s and 70s had its fair share of Italian rip offs whether it was Alien or Mad Max, Jaws or The Exorcist. In the case of this review, it was The Vikings that found itself the inspiration for its own brand of Italian spice. The trick of this one is that Erik the Conqueror, the film at the center of this review, just might actually be as good – if not better – than the film it was inspired by. Much of this has to do with its director, the iconic Mario Bava, who simply takes what could have (and rightly should have) been a carbon copy and injects a wickedly effective mesh of fantasy inspired visuals, charismatic performances, and occasionally surrealistic tones into an adventure film that rises well above and beyond the norm. Erik the Conqueror is more than a cash grab, it’s an artistically powered piece of cinematic entertainment that’s realized in all of the most amusing ways. No wonder this was on the list for a new Blu Ray release from Arrow Video. It’s a cult cinema dream and deserving of the attention of this release.

Sword of Vengeance (2015)

Director: Jim Weedon

Notable Cast: Stanley Weber, Annabelle Wallis, Karel Roden, Ed Skrein, Edward Akrout, Gianni Giardinelli

At this point, the modern sword & sandals “style” that began with Zack Snyder’s 300 is getting a bit old. There are some films that can make it work by injecting some fun into the mix (see the remake of Conan the Barbarian), but other than that it’s a style that requires a lot of substance to work. For Sword of Vengeance, a medieval film that uses this same style, there just isn’t enough depth or fun for the style to rest on. For a rainy day movie it’s certainly entertaining enough with its simplistic structure and plentiful combat, but it rarely inspires the kind of dedication from its audience to lift it into being a modern cult classic.

Under the iron fist of a terrible and vicious warlord (Roden), the people of the North live dismal lives. It’s the appearance of a striking young warrior Shadow Walker (Weber), who man handles the best of the warlords minions, that inspires them to take action. Banding together under Shadow Walker and a young woman (Wallis), these rogue fighters will stand up once and for all…but is there a secret agenda by our wandering swordsman that will undermine the entire resistance?

They call him Shadow Walker. I call him Cornrows the Brutal.

Taking a massive page from the likes of classic spaghetti westerns and samurai film, Sword of Vengeance builds itself on some fairly well tread tropes. The ultimately silent anti-hero who saunters into town bringing hope with him. The townsfolk standing up for themselves. A massive standoff at the end. These are the basic building blocks of probably 20% of all genre films since the 50s and 60s and this medieval slash and crasher sticks to it…to a fault. While the film rides on some decent performances from Weber and Roden as the clashing ends of a familial feud, the bare bones script doesn’t inspire a lot of depth or dedication from its audience. It’s predictable and worse yet, almost boring. For an action film, you never want boring, even if it is predictable. Yet Sword of Vengeance is so remarkably formulaic it could have been basis for a 100 other films by only changing the location and names.

The lacking depth of the film hurts everything else about it. Director Jim Weedon really tries to layer on a lot of modern style to the film (with a low budget, it looks like it has some strong production values) but it’s built on a bad foundation and thus crumbles under any kind of critical scrutiny. The slow motion seems to lack the emotional punch to make it work artistically, the handheld edit happy style of the fights underscores some decent choreography, and Weedon seems to think that muted colors and grainy texture automatically mean a film is gritty. Just because it’s sepia tone for night and white washed for day does not make things gritty. It just sort of makes everything look the same here and limits what can be done visually. Partner this with a film that has maybe 4 to 5 lines of dialogue for its character building scenes and it’s a combination that simply doesn’t work.

POINTY.

As I mentioned, Sword of Vengeance is entertaining enough to make it worth a rental for those wanting to burn an hour and a half watching some mindless action. There are seeds of thoughtfulness in the script, style, and performances that might have blossomed into a much better film if they were planted in a much better soil, but as is the film comes off as all attempted style and little sticking substance.

Written By Matt Reifschneider

If the style of this film is up your ally though, here's a link to purchase the film for its May 26th release date!

300: Rise of an Empire (2014)

Director: Noam Murro

Notable Cast: Sullivan Stapleton, Eva Green, Lena Headey, Rodrigo Santoro

The original 300 didn’t quite hit me like it did so many of my friends and colleagues when it was released. It was a campy fun action spectacle with style slathered on, but the pacing and narrative issues certainly held it back. For the sequel 300: Rise of an Empire, I at least had the right mindset going in and the resulting expansion of the 300 universe was an massively enjoyable watch – even if it continues to have some major issues with scripting and characters.

While King Leonidas and his 300 Spartans are flexing their muscles and baring their ridiculously white teeth, the other Greeks have taken to Persia’s enforcement of power with a bit more strategy to match their gusto. For this chapter of the saga, it’s up to Themistocles (Stapleton) and his navy to make sure that the Persian army doesn’t attack by water and this is going to make him go head to head with Xerxes’ greatest general, Artemisia (Green.)

Now that's a kick...

At its core, 300: Rise of an Empire is essentially just more 300. You can change the color scheme and you can add in navel battles instead of cliff battles, but the new director follows in Zack Snyder’s footsteps so closely that had I not known, I might not have been able to tell the difference between the two. Stylistically, the films are ridiculously similar and it’s all digitally toned men killing each other with CGI gore in slow motion, but this time around it’s as if they decided that 300 did NOT go far enough with violence and exploitative elements. The violence is doubled, the gore is doubled, and there’s a lot more nudity to go with it. Some of it doesn’t quite make sense like how specific wounds could geyser that much blood and the sex scene that’s thrown in feels a bit forced – which might be intentional, but let’s be honest, it wholly makes this one a more entertaining film overall. At least in the Blood Brothers book.

Within the scope of more violence and bloodshed, Rise of an Empire does attempt, in good will, to change things up just enough to make it more entertaining. The naval battles are not just a lot of rowing and shooting arrows at one another like one would think for a swords & sandals flick, but it’s got more action than the first 300. Splintering wood, sieges, and even a massive explosion (they somehow got to explode a damn ship in this movie) are all par for the course here. The action is driven mostly by Eva Green as the film’s main villain, who simply spits her often silly dialogue with enough energy and venom to sink a thousand ships alone – the line “You fight harder than you fuck” is ripe for hilarity – and Stapleton, as this chapter’s hero, seems to pale in comparison despite his best efforts to be manly and philosophical about ‘freedom’ and other heroic tropes.

Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn for Greek.

All in all, 300: Rise of an Empire is quite ridiculous and rarely stands on its attempts to be thoughtful in its dialogue or plot. The idea that it occurs at the same time as the original 300 makes for some intriguing beats for reoccurring characters from the first film, but it doesn’t quite carry enough narrative punch to truly rise above its predecessor. However, the clever use of naval action, the furious leaps of violence, and Eva Green make sure that this film is inherently more enjoyable this time around – so take it with a grain of salt.

Here’s to hoping that the cliffhanger ending is a true calling card for more sequels in the future. This is a silly franchise at this point, but one that entertains enough to bring me back for more.

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Legend of Hercules, The (2014)

Director: Renny Harlin

Notable Cast: Kellan Lutz, Gaia Weiss, Scott Adkins, Roxanne McKee, Liam Garrigan, Liam McIntyre

It’s not very often that two theatrically released movies drop about the same subject matter (outside of generic ones like war or a team of mercenaries), but 2014 gave us not one, but two Hercules films. Renny Harlin’s The Legend of Hercules dropped first (beating Brett Ratner’s Hercules by a handful of months or so) and became one of the biggest flops of the year out of the gates. Having just watched the other Hercules flick and having a decent time with it, I decided it was high time to just pull a double header and dive into the terribly reviewed lesser film. Wowza. Even as a fan of bad movies, I had trouble getting through this one. It took me three times in fact. It has some unintentionally entertaining moments here and there, but man, I have to already suggest skipping this one. If that’s all you needed to hear, then feel free to go check out some other reviews on the site right now. If you want to hear why The Legend of Hercules is terrible go ahead and keep reading.

King Amphitryon (Adkins) is kind of an asshole. He’s a vicious king and is generally terrible to those around him. When his wife decides she needs to intervene to bring him down, she makes a deal with Hera to have Zeus’ baby who would, as Greek destiny goes, grow up to kick some butt and take down his step dad. Twenty years later Alcides (Lutz), the son of Zeus, gets a little pissed when his brother steals his girl and his dad decides to send him on a suicide mission. Just like most Greek tragedies, Alcides decides to take the name Hercules and go back and fulfill his destiny.

This film should be called 150. It's a half-assed 300.

There are a lot of issues with The Legend of Hercules. Like, a lot a lot. The biggest problem is that it never rises above being a knock off film. The first third is pure C-grade 300 worship, albeit where director Renny Harlin has no idea how to actually use slow motion outside of random moments. The entire film simply looks like a substandard 300 clone too. The editing and flow of the film are chopped to hell with no coherency and the ridiculously buff likes of Scott Adkins and Kellan Lutz seem to be tanned and oiled to the point where I felt a bit uncomfortable. From there the film kicks into a Gladiator knock off having Lutz have to fight his way back home and to freedom, but it lacks any kind of emotional resonance to sell the concept. Oh, and the slow motion remains in all of its awkward glory. The third act then goes a bit more classic sword and sandals with its Robin Hood meets Braveheart mimicry. Again, the dramatic beats are forced and predictable. Yawn. It’s obvious that Harlin and company wanted so desperately to appeal to all facets of the style that they just jammed them all in and hoped something would stick. None of it does.

To be honest, I quite enjoyed Lutz in Java Heat and felt like he might have big action star appeal in many ways (not that Expendables 3 used ANY of it either.) Here, he tries his best to sell the terrible script and poorly structured characters but he lacks the chemistry with Weiss to sell the romantic plot and the action is so focused on style that it doesn’t allow him to really showcase that either. So he sort of woodenly shambles through. The rest of the cast do the exact same thing. Scott Adkins is the only one who seems to understand how a B-movie should work and eats up his villainous role – at times almost coming off as an intentional spoof of Butler’s character in 300, all in the best ways of course.

"I've done better straight to DVD movies than this."

The Legend of Hercules is a mess of a film. It’s not bad enough to truly be entertainment in that sense with unintentional humor, but it sure as hell isn’t a good movie in any sense of the term. It forces through a patchy script, it’s stitched together on the scraps left behind from the various films that it rips off, and it’s an awkward film in every regard. It only gets its score from a semi-decent fight at the end between Lutz and Adkins. Otherwise it’s a skip film if there ever was one.

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Hercules (2014)

Director: Brett Ratner

Notable Cast: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Ian McShane, John Hurt, Rufus Sewell, Aksel Hennie, Ingrid Bolso Berdal, Reece Ritchie, Joseph Fiennes, Tobias Santelmann

“You want madness? Tonight a spear of flame will pierce my heart. Is that not the most insane death you’ve ever heard of?”

Outside of the first Rush Hour (which still might be more nostalgia than anything), I simply am not a fan of Brett Ratner. His output is wonky at best as a director and he may or may not be responsible for the worst X-Men film the franchise has seen thus far. He is the one reason I skipped out on Hercules in theaters to begin with and he’s the main reason I was heavily skeptical of this quirky new tale of the muscular demigod. Maybe it’s the low expectations that have softened my cynical palette, but I’m not going to lie…I whole heartedly enjoyed Hercules way more than I had any right too. I’m not going to stake a claim that this is one of the most underrated films of the year or even go as far as to call it a good film, but the combination of the screen devouring cast and the tongue in cheek approach to the story had me sold ten minutes in.

Meow.

Hercules (The Rock) is not quite the indestructible hero his legend has been built up to be. In fact, he’s a mercenary teamed with a handful of skilled fighters on the run from his old home and looking for enough cash to escape his tortured past and retire where he doesn’t have to use his immense strength to continually beat things. When the opportunity arises to finally make a huge score by defeating a vicious warlord, Hercules and his team jump at the chance. Is everything as it seems in this war torn country though?

Looking at Hercules’ plot can be a bit deceiving. The film takes an almost realistic approach to its legends and proceedings and twists the myths to fit a more standard sword and sandals formula. In a way, it’s a clever concept. Yet Hercules is far from the clever film you would think it is and the way that the plot often plays out is rarely as smart as the film prides itself on being. The characters are your set of run-of-the-mill parts of a whole, the twists in the plot are predictable, and even Ratner’s direction plays it far too safe with the style that mixes a bit of 300 with a more traditional action flick. As I said before, Hercules is rarely a great (or even good) film in many of the standard ways.

That being said, Hercules is a ton of fun and utterly charming in many ways. The Rock continually showcases his immense screen presence (although his character tends to lack those moments to make the more dramatic beats work…but we do get to see him flip a horse and spout off “Fucking centaurs” so take your pick) and the rest of his supporting cast charms their way through their cut out characters. A special nod has to go to Ian McShane who essentially steals every moment he opens his mouth by delivering some of the silliest lines with such drunk conviction that one can’t help but buy into it. This is matched with a ton of fun action set pieces. Not the Hercules vs. a mythical zoo that you saw in the trailers, but more classic sword clashing and fire arrows set pieces. Nothing original, but it’s certainly fun. This is the kind of approach that Ratner and company bring to the film and even when it’s at its worst, the film at least entertains.

Lion hats are all the rage.

Perhaps my expectations were skewed by my general distaste for the director and the generally over-hyped new world of swords & sandals flicks, but I actually found Hercules to be rather fun. It’s not going to win a lot of people over as it still falters at many of the core elements of being ‘a good film,’ but the rest is just charming enough to slide by. Take it with a grain of salt and you might have some fun with it.

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Hundra (1983)

HUNDRA

"No man will ever penetrate my body with sword or himself" - Hundra

 

After the success of the testosterone driven “Conan the Barbarian” it was only fitting for the fairer sex to get their due right by having their own barbaric sword and sorcerery epic. The problem is the fairer sex weren’t provided with a fair film as “Hundra”, the first of many female driven “Conan” copies including “Barbarian Queen” and “Red Sonja”, doesn’t come close to the epic greatness of the male driven film they copied. On the plus side it is probably the best of the female driven barbarian films, if that’s any consolation..

Hundra, a heroic female warrior, arrives back to her village to find her matriarchal tribe slaughtered. Having a general hatred for men, the lone surviving elder gives her the distestable order to travel the country side to find a mate in order for her to continue the lineage of her tribe. Her journey leads her to a city ruled by a sadistic king that worships a bull and uses women as toys. Can she destroy the king and his misogynistic ruling while at the same time getting knocked up by a handsome doctor?

 

Director Matt Cimber is very feminist in his approach as Hundra takes every opportunity to degrade and insult men at every turn in showing how barbaric and sexually devent the male gender is. This is an interesting approach as most barbarian films showcase women as sexual toys (I’m looking at you “Deathstalker”) and it is somewhat hypocritical as the Cimber goes to great lengths to show off his lead actress Laurene Landon, even having her riding her horse naked on a beach!

 

Filmed in Spain, the film takes advantage of exotic European locations (many of which fans of the Spaghetti Western genre will recognize) and even has Hundra ride to a catchy Ennio Moriconne score (though it pales to other umpteen scores he has provided). The film however lacks any realy drive and excitement. Sure there are action scenes peppered throughout the picture with the lovely Laurene Landon doing most of her own stunts but the film is mostly dull, overlong with only the opening slaughter mimicking the village onslaught from “Conan the Barbarian” being even remotely captivating as the climatic leaves a lot to be desired.

 

Though not a terrible picture, I was hoping for a little more entertainment value from a female “Conan the Barbarian” clone. The directing and overall film quality is a step above other films in the genre but I’d be lying if didn’t say I enjoyed most of the genre’s bottom feeders even more (give me “Deathstalker” and “The Warrior and the Sorceress” any day over “Hundra”). It just lacks excitement and pacing to make this a truly enjoyable low budget sword and scorcery epic but I do have to admit that Hundra’s dog that leads her horse around by the reigns did bring a smile to my face.

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Sword Art Online 2012 ep.1-25 (2012)

Young love is hard to beat!

Hello everyone, hope you all had a fun and festive holiday season. I for one am glad its over and I can have more time to do what I enjoy, like watching more anime! For those of you that are not aware, there is a delightful little anime/Asian film website called Crunchyroll.com. I strongly recommend this website. It is a great way to watch anime streaming legally. With that in mind my current review is for Sword Art Online, which I watched on said website. After stumbling across lots of articles and chat boards talking about "SAO," I decided to get to watching it. So come along if you will and share another journey with me.

First I want to say that after looking at my recent anime series I have been watching, I noticed a lot of them are based on light novels. "SAO" is no different, having been written by Reki Kawahara and illustrated by Abec and once again I found myself wrapped up in something unexpected.   
 
What I find unique about this series is that it mostly takes place in virtual reality. While I have heard of other anime series that take on this or a similar approach as well, I for one have not seen anything like this. Keep in mind that my anime watching days are still in their infancy compared to a lot of you out there, so don't be so quick to judge me if I have missed something similar to SAO.

Two worlds collide

As I was saying, this series takes place mainly in the virtual world with Kirito, a young gamer who is thrust in to the role of hero, at the center of the story. When a new MMO game comes out thousands of players rush to log on, only to learn that they can't log out. During this time the game master makes the formal announcement that everyone had feared, if you die in the game then you also perish in real life. Also if someone in the real world tries to remove your gear you will die . The only way to come out of this game alive is for someone to finish all 100 levels. Another cool thing that this program does is it forces you to play as yourself. Which means you can have a cool user name but your avatar is of your own likeness. This adds a bit of humor to the situation, imagine when you discover your online girlfriend is a dude type of stuff. After the announcement comes many players start scrambling to form or join guilds. Kirito decides to go at it alone. Having been a beta tester for the game Kirito is somewhat familiar with the first few levels of the game. However, after that, its all a game of power. Along the way Kirito meets many players that he helps out in some form or fashion, but none are  more important to him than Asuna. Now enters romance into the game of life and death.  With Asuna, Kirito has met his match of skill and strength, plus she is a pretty good cook as it turns out.  Its about this time in the series where I really fell in love with "SAO".

The gang's all here!

The story was everything I was hoping for and so much more. With action, comedy, and some romance mixed in, "SAO" is a solid choice. Now I am not a gamer per se, I do dabble but never with an MMO however, I can see that changing in 2013. "SAO" opened my eyes to the possibilities of gaming on my PC among other things. The unique thing about this series is you really have to treat episodes 1-12 and 13-25 as almost 2 different series. This is difficult to explain without giving away too much information. I will say the first half is a lot more action packed and almost exclusively virtual. Whereas the second half jumps back and forth from virtual to real world. It has taken me a little while to really sit back and appreciate everything about "SAO". I am sure even now I am not hitting on every mark.

With that being said, "SAO" has a lot to offer the viewers, the artwork here is beautiful. Almost all of the battles are beautifully orchestrated like a ballet of sorts using vibrant coloring and great animation. The character development and solid story telling are what really hooked me and reeled me in for the duration. If you are looking for fan service and the like "SAO" does not offer up any of that. I found myself impatiently waiting for Saturday to come so I could watch the next episode. I personally hope that Aniplex: a) does a second season. and b) dubs this series and releases the dvd/blu ray very soon. I have recently had a few people actually thank me for recommending this series. So with that said I offer my highest of praises, I strongly recommend this series. It will surprise you and fill your heart with all that warm stuff people talk about.

Written By John Price

If you feel like watching something similar to "Sword Art Online" then check out the following recommendations:

 

Immortals (2011)

Director: Tarsem Singh
Notable Cast: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Stephen Dorff, John Hurt, Luke Evans

As a cult film reviewer, I get to watch my fair share of films that focus on style over substance and often enough there are film makers or whole genres that make a career at it. Just look at Zack Snyder. Films like "Sucker Punch" or "300" easily ooze out style, but beyond their slick look those films crumble under scrutiny. It's the latter film that is to blame for "Immortals" which essentially rips on the Snyder swords and sorcery flick by mixing it with some of the ideas that the remake of "Clash Of The Titans" used previously too. If you want, feel free to click on the hyperlinks to my reviews for both "300" and "Clash Of The Titans" to see how I feel about this style before continuing on. Needless to say, I was hoping for an entertaining flick out of "Immortals" but not much more. I barely got what I expected.

Theseus (Cavill) is somewhat of an outcast in his village spurned by his fatherless life. But an old man (Hurt) teaches him to be a strong and moral man, crafting his fighting skills and giving him a chance at a better future. When King Hyperion (Rourke) makes a very aggressive stance with his military to find the Epirus Bow and release the Titans on the Greek Gods, it is up to Theseus and a few friends to forge their way through the armies to stop Hyperion before his quest is complete.

Be careful who you talk to about your 'magic arrows', okay?

Like the films that it rips off, "Immortals" focuses heavily on style and little on substance. It certainly tries to throw some moral things into the mix with its running themes of free will, revenge, and trust, but its so simplified in the characters and plot that rarely does it make an impact beyond being just another motivation for our characters to do the next sequence. The characters themselves are rather hollow too with far too many being introduced for any of them to have the kind of arc or growth needed for the film to feel like it has depth to its mystical journeys. The actors certainly try with the material that's given to them as both Cavill and Rourke desperately grasp to any little thing they can to make us feel good/bad for their respective roles, but overall the subplots, whether it be romantic, revenge, or the like, feel poorly built and watered down by a focus to cater to a larger audience. I was entertained when the film was playing, but minutes after it ended the imprint it could have left was already gone.

I loved Rourke as the villain here, but I hope he got paid a lot of money for wearing this ridiculous helmet.

Who cares about plot and characters, right? I mean, it's "Immortals" so we want to see fighting! And monsters! And scantily clad women! This is a sword and sorcery flick so we demand it! This is where "Immortals" fails the worst. I expected the story to be overly complicated for its simple structure and I expected the plot to follow the dots. "Immortals" doesn't even really do the action portion well either. Yes, we have a lot of that Zack Snyder inspired slow motion brutality as men impale each other to CGI laden landscapes and we certainly get enough "monsters" here with a Minotaur battle and some God vs Titan throw downs at the end (were they even Titans?..what the hell were those things?). The problem remains that little of it is memorable. Even with Rourke eating up scenery in his ridiculous outfits as a very vicious villain, the whole good vs evil battle moments are too short and not unique enough. Director Tarsem Singh uses his music video style to its full benefit here, but the stunts and fights are just oddly choreographed and rather by the numbers. Not what I wanted at all from this film.

Its a film with magic bows, Gods, and Titans, but they insisted in making the minotaur a man with a giant bull mask?

There are a few shiny moments of inspiration here, mostly with the casting, but in the end "Immortals" is a high budget knock off film that builds on nothing unique or inspirational to tell its brutal tale of men, Gods, and Titans. It's a by the numbers action affair with little depth and less motivation to be better than its predecessors. Only for those with a hard on for digital action and simple stories.

Written By Matt Reifschneider

If you loved "Clash Of The Titans" or "300", then "Immortals" is a film you must have. So feel free to click on the links below to purchase your copy today!