House Of Wax (2005) - 3/5

At this point, its silly to be afraid of horror film remakes. No use whining about them. No use boycotting them, because they are going to happen. Might as well support them and hope they keep our favorite franchises alive and in theaters (why else would one torture themselves on the new "Nightmare" film?). At the time of "House Of Wax" though, I was on a strict remake boycott and missed it. I found respect for its director later with "Orphan" which allowed me the courage to back track to this little Dark Castle release, only to find that it wasn't the pure 'shit' that many claimed it to be, but a fairly entertaining slasher with an over the top concept. It's not great - can anyone really use that word with a film featuring Paris Hilton? - but it is a slick and fun ride for horror fans.

A group of college friends are on their way to Louisiana for the biggest football game of the year, when a young couple, Carly (Cuthbert) and Wade (Padalecki), find their car with a broken belt in the engine. Stranded, they accept a ride from a rather hillbilly-ish man to the closest town, Ambrose, to find the part they need. What they find in Ambrose is a disturbing recreation of life at the hands of two brothers whose obsession with finishing their mother's wax collection has started to take a twisted turn.

Not at all resembling the original 1953 "House Of Wax" that this film pulls its title from, this modern horror slasher really doesn't pull a lot of new punches. It sticks to what works in modern slashers. Isolation from the rest of society (woods, empty small town). Group of young leads whose friends are relatively immature people. A killer with a mask (this time a man with a wax face). So for fans of horror, this isn't anything new. We've seen it before. They run the gauntlet of all the cliche's here including an abandoned factory that seemingly comes out of the blue for Hilton's death scene. Nothing about this script is all that new and exciting in all honesty.

This film does seem to have a lot of fun with itself. Much of this has to do with Collet-Serra (director) and his knack for making B-movies look stylish and snazzy. There are plenty of cool shots, in particular a very cool scene with a swiveling camera shot around the foot of a pool table, and he treats the more ridiculous elements with an almost odd sense of artistic tongue in cheek. The art and set design help with this and raise the fun level of the film (the wax museum and church look very cool) and the odd moments of dark humor ring pretty true. An odd sequence where the brother Bo snips off our leading ladies finger comes to mind with how over the top and somewhat humorous this film can be.

"House Of Wax" isn't reinventing the wheel here, but it has its charm and a good use of the humor it has in it. It's a fun little slasher that works better then it should thanks to some solid leads (luckily Ms. Hilton isn't a lead) and a director with a little pizazz up his sleeve. Not near the disappointment I was lead to believe it was.

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Splice - 2/5

Despite a slew of mixed reviews after its initial release, "Splice" made its way into this reviewer's queue when I realized it was directed from the guy that gave us the modern sci fi classic "Cube". Although the trailers had me a bit excited, when word spread out about how mixed it was, the film quickly fell down on my list until now. Yet, somehow, I sort of wished it would have fell further as this basic rehash of the cult film "Species" rarely goes where it needs to for it to be the memorable and impactful experience it should have.

Awesome to the nerd degree scientist couple Clive (Brody) and Elsa (Polley) are on the brink of some serious scientific breakthroughs. They are the world's most badass splicers (combing genes from various animal's DNA to create new hybrids) and their work is suddenly being halted as the pharmaceutical company that is sponsoring them pushes forward to make their work profitable. So they decide (after much useless debate) to move forward into some gray territory and start to make something with human DNA. The result is a hidden from the world human/creature named Dren. The problem is that Dren is going to start some serious shit. And not the political kind about using human DNA to create life. She is about to push the limits of this couple to the edge.

The initial premise of "Splice" is an intriguing and well crafted one. Despite its rather close resemblance to that of a cheesier and less realistic "Species", "Splice" plays on the fears of how far science will go to some solid reactions. Natali does a solid job making the film feel pretty damn realistic with its use of scientific jibber-jabber and atmosphere. The art design is well done and the creature design is spectacularly efficient as we watch Dren grow into a full 'woman' and beyond. These parts of "Splice" make it worth the watch for sci fi fans around these parts.

The problem with "Splice" that undermines the entire experience and how the film plays out is its rather unfocused and 'plays it safe' style. The entire film tries to play up the moral issues of its premise and how it affects our leads, but rarely did I feel that moral 'horror' myself. The arguments they have and the points that they bring up seem to left as an after thought to the visual and atmospheric show. When the film does really decide to push into over drive with the consequences of such actions, it falls into a feeling like a schlock film. Random sex scenes (that hint at the same issues that "Species" focused on with its plot), the more horror inspired final act - that, oh yes, contains a rape scene - and the violence seems almost out of place. As if the smarts suddenly gave way and just took a pass on the final moments. It plays it far too safe with the concept for the first two thirds of the film and that makes the final act come out of left field.

"Splice" is a great concept with some solid execution that needed to figure out what it was to begin with. It feels like a smart and atmospheric sci fi flick for its first chunk (that plays it a little too safe with its debates) and then dives straight into schlock horror territory for its final act. The two parts just didn't piece together well and it leaves one disappointed with the results. The potential for something impactful with its story never seems to fully form in the film and ends up having to rely on shock factor to push its point across leaving one wondering as the credits roll "what did I just watch?".

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Naked Gun: From The Files Of Police Squad!, The - 4.5/5

Firstly, it has to be said that Leslie Nielsen will sorely be missed. His contributions to the comedic value of film in the latter part of his career will never cease to be inspiring. With his death still heavy in our hearts, let us go back and view one of his greatest acting accomplishments. That of Lt. Frank Drebin in "Police Squad!"'s first feature film, "The Naked Gun".

After a stint to thwart terrorist activity in Beirut, Lt. Frank Drebin (Nielsen) comes back to America only to find his partner Nordberg (Simpson) shot up and in a coma. With only days to apprehend the man who framed him, Drebin steps up his ridiculousness to solve the case. Upon investigating the circumstances of Nordberg's attack, he finds himself in a larger conspiracy with a wealthy businessman (Montalban) and an assassination scheme for the Queen of England.

Spoofs are a hard aspect of comedy to get right. When looking at spoofs, "The Naked Gun" series does it at its best, combining a great comedic character with a film that not only spoofs police shows, but creates its own niche as well. The jokes are lightning fast both visually and verbally and the film never hesitates if you miss it. Sorry. Not fast enough? Then rewind the damn thing cause this film gives you no time to let it all sink in.
In fact, the film does all kinds of weird comedic things. Background scenes, details within the sets, and odd uses of puns and wording all pile on to make a comedy that works even better on its fourth spin than its first. These repeat viewing discoveries of hidden jokes/gags is one of the reasons this film has stood the test of time. It’s like you find something new with every viewing.

This film also benefits from its odd placement of absurdity to its seriousness. Nielsen is superb at playing the most ridiculous lines and faces as completely natural and relevant for the situation. Partner this with the lightning fast writing and direction of site gags and it’s a combination for pure comedic genius. Drebin’s out of line character is played so straight forward that even the side characters (who are played seriously) go with it as if it’s nothing. This weird ability to blend the two worlds (as is seen with other Zucker films like “Airplane!”) works in stunningly efficient ways and this film is one of the best.

As a person that is very picky with their comedies, a film like “The Naked Gun” is almost flawed to perfection in how it balances all of its odd details and jokes. With a well casted group of actors, a director who knows how its supposed to work, and a ballsy script that loves to say all the wrong things, “The Naked Gun” is one of the must see comedies ever made.

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Return of the Street Fighter - 3.5/5

The original "Street Fighter" rocked my socks off with its hardcore, violent martial arts display. I had never in my life had seen such a violent karate film. It's over-the-top exploitation elements and Sonny Chiba's riveting anti-hero secured it in my top two favorite martial arts movies of all time. Due to that I had to calm myself down before going into this sequel. I knew it wasn't going to be as good as the original (sequels very rarely are) but I still had to pull my expectations down. I must have succeed as this sequel was pretty damn entertaining, not as good as the original as expected, but a solid violent sequel that lives up to the original.

Our street fighter this time takes on a Yakuza family that may be embezzling money from charities in order to finance their own operations. He becomes the target of both the mob and the police but nothing will stop him, even and old enemy that surprisingly returns after our street fighter ripped his larynx out.

The story is not as good then again we must have the mentality that this is an exploitation martial arts film. The plot isn't going to be great. We see these for the over-the-top violence, martial arts, and great anti-heroes. One aspect I didn't like about the plot is the addition of a new annoying sidekick. Drop that sidekick shtick like a bag of shit please!

Though the tagline promises that our street fighter is "...meaner than ever" I found him to actually be much softer, more compassionate and lacking a lot of the anti hero elements he portrayed in the original. The street fighter is supposed to be a character of respect, yet fear and grotesqueness at the same time. He just doesn't quite match the overall nastiness the character had in the original.

The action and martial arts sequences also lack the gore and viciousness of the original. Don't get me wrong as this is still VERY violent, just not to the extent that the original displayed. The violent fight highlight has to be a fight on a snowy peak which Chiba punches the back of a guys head which causes his eyeballs to come popping out. I also dug a scene where our street fighter punch a guy with a pistol, stabbing the barrel into his bloody stomach and then shooting him.

Chiba's character may be softer and the film overall lacks some of the violent nastiness of the original but overall this is a good sequel that stays true to its origins and I see no reason why fans of the original wouldn't enjoy this outing. The sequel did have a strong box office performance so a third film ("The Street Fighter's Last Revenge") and a spin-off ("Sister Street Fighter") got released the same year.

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Minnestota Clay - 3.5/5

"Minnesota Clay" marks one of the earliest spaghetti westerns to emerge after the success of Sergio Leone's genre defining "Fistful of Dollars" and the second western for director Sergio Corbucci. For an early spaghetti this is pretty decent but it is a couple steps below Corbucci's later genre defining entries "The Great Silence" and "Companeros".

Minnesota Clay (Cameron Mitchell) is a wrongly accused gunman who is doing hard time in the countries deadliest labor camp. He escapes to return to his home town to protect his daughter (whom he hides his paternity from) from the sheriff, the very man who set him up. Can he protect his daughter before going completely blind?

Don't expect this to be the "Zatochi" of spaghetti westerns as this isn't about a gunman who is blind going around and blowing people away. Sure the protagonist eventually goes blind but the plot is pretty standard affair for a western and the film really lacks the baroque and eccentric touches of Corbucci's later films (notably "Django").

Though the approach is more standard for Corbucci (no doubt playing it safe since this is one of his earliest westerns) it still has plenty of Corbucci's strong character elements, especially the close connection between spouses and family. Our hero, also in Corbucci fashion, gets mangled and tortured by the end and has to rise up to defeat the evil antagonist. The look of the film is also beautiful with wonderful cinematography and settings that suck the audience into the plot.

Cameron Mitchell is wonderful as the title character as he is both a gentleman and deadly with his talent. He definitely made the right choice to go to Italy and take starring roles in European genre films as opposed to forgettable Hollywood supporting roles. Due to this he is one of the great cult actors thanks to very films like "Minnesota Clay" and he would ride that cult actor status all the way through the 80's appearing in multiple genres including such blood soaked horror classics as "The Toolbox Murders."

Much like Corbucci's "The Great Silence" there are two separate endings to the film, a downbeat and an upbeat one. Though I cannot find facts on this subject I would guess it would be the same reason he was forced to shoot two separate endings to "The Great Silence" as some distributors wanted an upbeat ending to appease audiences. Thankfully the VCI DVD release keeps the downbeat ending intact and allows the viewer the option to view the "happy" ending separately.

Overall "Minnesota Clay" is a solid spaghetti western. It lacks the over-the-top eccentric elements of such Corbucci classics like "Django" and it isn't as good as "The Great Silence" or "Companeros" but it still has enough elements of a good Corbucci western to appease fans. It's available in some bargain multi film packs but the VCI DVD release is well worth a purchase.

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Hercules and the Tyrants of Babylon - 1/5

Another year, another forgettable Hercules peplum entry. This time the muscular role is portrayed woodenly by Peter Lupus, credited with the laugh enduing pseudonym Rock Stevens. With this walking piece of cardboard and plenty of stock footage your guaranteed another uninspired peplum film in a genre littered with such trash.

The story is basic and dull with Hercules running to rescue a queen hidden among an ocean of women from being tormented by sadistic rulers of Babylon. Thanks to plenty of stock footage from biblical epic "Sodom and Gomorrah" we get to see Hercules crumble the city of Babylon thanks to the city engineers stupidly building a turn wheel in a cavern below that with the turn of a mighty man crumbles the city to oblivion.

With a Peplum containing the character of Hercules one expects plenty of onscreen time with the mythical hero but the filmmakers here must have been aware Peter Lupus lacked the charisma and onscreen presence of other such actors as Steve Reeves and Reg Park as he really is only in the film for half of the running time with the rest focusing on actress Helga Liné. That's fine by me as she is jaw dropping gorgeous and definitely lights up the screen more than their embarrassing attempt at a club carrying Hercules that bares more resemblance to a grown version of the Flintstone's character Bam Bam.

The ONLY thing worth watching this uninspired Hercules peplum adventure for is beauty of Helga Liné as the story is dull, the title character laughable and the use of stock footage cheapening the whole effect. The film is easily found infecting plenty of bargain "Peplum" film packs available on DVD.

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde - 2/5

Director William Crain made a memorable stamp into the blaxploitation genre with his horror hybrid and humorously titled "Blacula" which was unleashed into theaters in 1972. For reasons unknown he passed on directing the sequel "Scream, Blacula, Scream" but must have felt he hadn't insulted enough classic movie monsters so four years later he returned to blaxploitate another classic movie monster with "Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde." This resulted in one of the most humorous trailers I have ever witnessed which I highly recommend everyone to see it by clicking here. Does the film live up to its trailer? Well let's consume some alcohol to prepare for this bad boy and see.

Dr. Henry Pride is a successful doctor experimenting with an serum that is supposed to heal damaged liver cells. You see he used to live with his mother in a bordello and she died of liver problems caused by drinking heavily. While volunteering his free time at the clinic in a dilapidated portion of L.A., Henry Pride decides to test the serum on himself which transforms him into a hulking white skinned monster that ravages L.A. killing hookers and pimps with his karate chops. Will a hooker that has love for him be able to stop his rampage?

Unlike the trailer suggests (with such aw-inspiring lines as "Don't give him no sass or he'll kick your ass") this film is actually played rather seriously adding to the unintentional hilarity. It's hard to believe star Bernie Casey didn't burst out into laughter with such a silly concept. Perhaps the silliest aspect is actually the raciest approach to how he turns "white" when he becomes a monster (in an interesting bit of trivia the beast was created by future make up master Stan Winston). Subtle, Crain... real subtle.

The film has the typical drive in look of the time... as in really cheap. Don't look for dynamic camera angles from director Crain or marvelous cinematography as none of that is present. Then again we are watching a blaxploitation take on "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" so you can't expect much from a good filmmaking standpoint.

Yes there was unintentional hilarity but sadly, yet expectably, "Dr. Black Mr. Hyde" didn't live up to the amazing entertainment value the trailer promised. It's not even as good as Crain's "Blacula" but fans of these silly horror hybrid blaxploitation films will definitely want to hunt this down.

Written By Eric Reifschneider

I Spit On Your Grave (2010) - 3.5/5

Love it or hate it, "I Spit On Your Grave" is something of a cult classic. Whether it deserves it or not (much upon your own belief in what the film actually accomplishes), the original shocker was just enough throught and more than enough gratuity of violence and sex to garner it a lot of discussions and bans. When you have a film that controversial there is only one way to treat it decades down the road. REMAKE MOTHER FUCKERS!

Thusly, we are treated to this modern take on the female revenge tale. Although it improves on the original in many aspects, this film still struggles from the same flaws that hindered the original, making it a good (and gruesome) film, but not to the greatness it could have been.

Jennifer Hills (Butler) seems to be on the right track. She's about ready to start crafting her second novel and found a smokin' deal for an isolated cabin in the woods to start writing away from her New York home. What she doesn't count on is a group of local yokels deciding that she deserves to be punished for being a 'big city whore'. After significant mental, emotional, and physical abuse, she is left for dead in the river. Is she dead though? Is she? Maybe she just might have survived and is out for their blood in all the worst ways. Wouldn't that suck?

As one can probably guess, this is essentially a modern Grindhouse flick. With a simplistic tale as that synopsis describes, this film sincerely focuses on the intense situations and brings to light the horrid things that mankind can do to one another. In this way, on the surface, its understandable why many people don't like "I Spit On Your Grave". The sheer terror that this film portrays is stomach wrenching and the execution on screen of this is a fascinating stroll into pure humanized horror. This is where the remake actually trumps the original. The acting and directing are superb. Although it does lack that 'Grindhouse' look due to this, the empathy that one feels for Jennifer in the first half of this film is truly horrific. With a solid sense to build the tension, isolation, and dire stakes at hand, this film does this aspect of the film so well, that it hurts to watch.

Unfortunately, this film falls prey to the same pit fall that befell the original. The second half lacks a lot of the tension that the first half does so well. It sort of becomes a less than realistic torture film with over the top death sequences (of course the ax in the boat from the original one was cheesy, but corws eating out a man's eyes isn't far off) that lacks the punch it should have had. Not that one doesn't get some sort of gruesome enjoyment at how she roundabouts their deaths to what they did to her, but it just seems to miss some of the depth it should have had.

"I Spit On Your Grave" has a massively well executed look and style to the film, but it ultimately collapses under the script's faulty foundations. I just wanted this film to improve on all aspects from the original and not just some. Give us something more to root for or more of a stake towards the end. It just doesn't happen unfortunately and it leaves "I Spit On Your Grave as a good modern Grindhouse, but far form the impactful experience it could have been.

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Crow: City Of Angels,The - 1/5

Nothing really can describe the massive let down "The Crow: City Of Angels" is to me. In all seriousness, "The Crow" is one of the best comic book films out there and one of my personal favorites (of all time). "The Crow: City Of Angels" is one of the WORST comic book movies out there. Not to mention being one of the worst sequels I can imagine.

Ashe (Perez) and his son are killed by some conniving drug peddlers that are headed by one of the largest and strangest crime lords out there named Judah (Brooks). The heinous act is not overlooked though and a crow carrying Ashe's soul pities him and brings him back to life to take vengeance on those who wronged him. With the help of Sarah (Kirshner), now grown up since the first film, Ashe is out to bring justice to his son's murderers one by one and try his hand at toppling one of Los Angeles' largest crime lords.

The potential for a "Crow" franchise is vast. Allowing the mythos of returning souls given a chance to seek peace (with kick ass super powers attached) can go for miles. It can be in different times. Places. Different people. "The Crow: City Of Angels" may be half way across the US, but it barely goes past what we had in the first film. It treads the same damn ground. In fact, sans a rather odd and out of the blue final act including a transfer of awesome super powers, this sequel is the same damn thing as the first one. Almost the exact plot except that this one has no good character work, no acting, no solid directing, no charm, and a really poorly developed narration.

For a large budget theatrically released film, "City Of Angels" feels like a SyFy original. The poor lighting, color scheme, and set design (that's only further made cheesy and awkward by the immense amounts of silly fog) is atrocious. The script is so littered with plot holes (where are the police? Is the city abandoned? Why is everyone obsessed with S&M? That's just the beginning of a VERY long list...) that the film never bothers to explain shit about what's going on with anything. It doesn't even give the courtesy of explaining the crow mythos and how it works. Had you not seen the original film, then how would you know that The Crow is impervious to harm except through his crow? Hell, the character Ashe should be the one asking these questions and he just fucking goes with it as if its something you learn in grade school. SO FRUSTRATING.

Not only is the piss poor directing, writing, and design to blame, but the cast is down right awful. Perez looks fucking awkward with his flared out locks and belly shirt and none of the villains are remotely scary. A rare appearance from Iggy Pop as one of the lead henchmen is poorly wasted on bad one liners (Iggy Pop is truly scarier in real life then here) and even a minute role with resident genre badass Tom Jane makes me raise the quizzical brow far too often.

If you couldn't tell, I really do hate this film. It bastardizes the franchise and makes the concept seem like a silly and poorly developed fantasy tale. Everything about this film is below the bottom of the 'shit-o-meter' and it never could recover. The only reason this gets one star is for its rather impressive industrial metal soundtrack, which is matched poorly in the film anyway. Not recommended for fans of the franchise or for fans of film in general. Hell, I don't even recommend re-reading this review. Forget the film and move on with your life.

BONUS RANT: This film is good for some great unintentional laughs. The random things they use to shape into crows at each death scene is fucking hilarious. When I die, I hope my blood splatter shapes itself into a crow. Just saying.

Invisible Man's Revenge, The - 3/5

With the notion of "insanity" lacking in the last two entries, Universal makes up for that fact here loading up on the madness of our invisible title character. Not only does the invisibility formula drive him mad... he's mad to begin with! For that aspect alone I was going mad into this fifth and final entry into Universal's long running "Invisible Man" franchise.

After killing to escape from a hospital, a mentally ill explorer travels to his partner's house in order to collect the half of the profits they found when they discovered a diamond pit in Africa. After an accident his partner thought him to be dead and even worse he spent all the money by losing it in bad investments. This angers our mental patient to no end and after being thrown out he is taken in by a scientist down the road who just happens to be working on an invisibility formula (no connection to previous scientists in the past entries are mentioned). He volunteers for the experiment to make him invisible and soon heads out to extract his revenge on his old partner by extortion and even murder to get his just half of the profits.

I really got involved with the sheer madness of our main character as he would really do anything to get his half of the money! With him being so evil the film really lacks on the other side as there truly isn't a hero to balance the character out. There is literally no one to root for to stop the madness of our invisible man. Even the worst slasher films attempt to make a hero but not here and the film suffers for that fact.

Like the other entries the special effects are the real highlight and the effects displayed here are the best of the series. Now we get to see the invisible man disappear while in motion and even see him with water splashed on his transparent face. For the time these effects were breathtaking and even look more realistic than the effects in such modern "Invisible Man" films such as "Hallow Man."

Without a true protagonist to root for this sequel ends up coming up short but still manages ti be ab entertaining final film into the franchise. This however wasn't the final appearance of our hallow character as he would make a cameo appearance in " Bud Abbott and Lou Costello Meet Frankenstein" and finally in a full fledged comedy spin-off with "Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man."

Written By Eric Reifschneider