Tenement [Game Of Survival] - 1/5

I will state right up front I like violent urban action films. Everything from Hollywood productions like Death Wish to the down and dirty underbelly grindhouse flicks like The Exterminator and Savage Streets. However the film Tenement is the bits of food left over in the garbage disposal after you grind those other films up and take a piss in the sink. It's a film that's so pointless, so tasteless, and so poorly made that this cult movie fanatic had trouble finding anything good to review on this sludge.

Our film opens (with the title Game of Survival on the title card) with a gang being forcefully removed from the basement of a seedy apartment building in the Bronx. After being released, our gang leader has some cheesy epiphany from what seems to be God to "have a good time" so the gang heads back to the apartment building and decides to torture and kill all the residents. That's the plot, no nutshell included.

Since the film has NO plot to speak of, the filmmakers decide to load the film up with "shocking" violence. We get a graphic rape scene of woman with a broom handle, a junkie throwing up blood, a man being stabbed in his junk, and a couple making love after killing a tenant complete with the man rubbing blood all over her breasts. This is only the stuff off the top of my head! I will admit that I've seen it all when it comes to violence and gore in movies so nothing really shocks me anymore and the violent sequences in this film just felt like the filmmakers were trying too hard to make up for the lack of plot and shitty filmmaking. Oh god.. where do I start with the filmmaking! Tenement is director Roberta Findlay's first legitimate film after making a slew of pornos. Guess what? Tenement looks like a fucking porno as the directing, lighting, and cinematography are just horrid. Do I even need to go into the bad acting and non-existent character development? The director has admitted she was proud her first legitimate film got an X rating. How about next time being proud for making a good or even entertaining movie on limited resources! I understand the film had a low budget but the result on screen looked like the filmmakers didn't give a shit and wanted to make a quick buck by making a crude urban action film with no entertainment value.

In the words of Frank Drebin of Police Squad, Tenement is like drinking Draino. It just leaves you hallow inside. I felt hallow after viewing the film as I went into it expecting a crude, entertaining violent urban action flick. What I got was a pile of shit that The Exterminator left after eating a thanksgiving dinner. You want a crude entertaining urban violence flick? Then go watch Savage Streets, Death Wish 3, or anything starring the late Robert Ginty. Skip Tenement and let the film rot in the weathered, run down sewers where it belongs.

Bonus Rant: I got Tenement in a box set entitled "Grindhouse Psychos" from Shriek Show Entertainment about 2 years ago. I watched about half of the film before turning the damn thing off. I recently decided to give it another whirl to watch the whole thing and guess what... the damn thing is defective! About an hour and eighteen minutes into the film the DVD began to skip and then froze. It did this on all three of my DVD players and computer. In order to finish the film I had to chapter skip past the defect and then rewind back to after it occurred. This isn't the first time I've been fucked over by Shriek Show and their glitchy reputation. I believe this is defective DVD number 12 from the company for me. If you take a look at my DVD collection you will see I own a very large number of their releases. Why you are asking? Well because they are one of the few companies to actually release cult material and it's just a fucking shame every time purchase a disc from them I have to do extensive research to see if there are any defects. Their discs are like ticking time bombs! It pissed me off at first but shame on me for not watching the disc sooner. However if any film deserves a defective disc, it's fucking Tenement!

Written By Eric Reifschneider

F/X - 3.5/5

Look at that title. It's so strange. The letter F and X with a slash between them. It's such an odd title that it no doubt attracted a lot of viewers just to see what the hell the plot was about. Well F/X means "effects" as in "special effects" and that title is just the beginning of one of my all time favorite suspense thrillers from the 80's.

The film opens with a shootout at a high class restaurant and it ends up being a movie set with special effects wizard Roland Tyler (Bryan Brown) at the helm. Due to his reputation he is a approached by the witness protection program to stage a phony death in public of a well known mafia member who is going to testify against his former partners. The fake death of course ends tragically and Tyler ends up finding himself the target of the police! It's now a cat and mouse chase as the corrupt police are after Tyler while he uses his special effects talent to escape and clear his name. What's wonderful about this plot is that during Tyler's story there is a secondary story following detective Leo McCarthy (Brian Dennehy) who finds the whole aspect fishy and does his own personal investigation into the mess. His flirty relationship with a computer tech is priceless!

What's ironic about this film is though the character is a special effects artist, the film isn't about special effects. It's about characters and story. The film is tightly directed by Robert Mandel and the pace is just perfect for a suspense thriller but sadly the film does have some flaws. The first flaw is Tyler's girlfriend who seems underdeveloped and when she bites it, Tyler by the end of the film doesn't seem to care. Some love relationship! Tyler's special effects helper Ellen is also severely underdeveloped and after Tyler uses her for some help, he drops her off at some street corner and she's never heard from again! However there was a cute sequence when Ellen was waiting up for Tyler in her apartment lobby and fell asleep in a chair in which Tyler ties her legs together. The film also gets a little ridiculous with Tyler using his special effects technique to defeat some goons at the end. All that time and effort for setting up those illusion traps and it had the same outcome if he just went in with guns blazing. However, to the film's credit, it is a film about a special effects artist so it should have him using his talent to bring the corrupt assholes down.

Despite some of its character flaws this is a solid suspense thriller with a great cast, solid pacing and eye-catching title. The film kept me glued to the screen and actually, when I was younger, made me want to be a special effects artist myself as the film does go in depth on how to do many movie effects. Sadly the profession Tyler does in the film is a dying art and it surprises me that MGM is currently in the works for remaking it. Are they going to make Tyler a computer effects artists instead? Oh god no! Just leave it be... a solid suspense thriller form the 80's, a decade where it should stay.

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Ninja Wars - 2.5/5

All I have to say is that these Japanese fantasy Samurai films are some crazy shit. Though I am not a huge fan of Hong Kong fantasy, there is something about these Japanese fantasy flicks that I love. Perhaps it's because they are a little more violent and far less flamboyant than their Hong Kong counterparts. Ninja Wars (aka Black Magic Wars) sure does deliver and offers up some 10s on the "what the fuck" meter.

The plot is your basic love story but it has a ton of crazy shit to muck that simple plot element up. We have a rich Japanese bastard who wants a certain woman and to rule the kingdom. He asks an evil sorcerer for help and the sorcerer sends some of his own sorcerer minions out to capture the woman's twin in order to use her tears to make a love potion (in a spider teapot no less!), or something like that. They capture the twin when she is out having a grand 'ol time with her ninja boyfriend while she runs through a forest, and I kid you not, starts cutting down trees with some light from her finger tips. That's another point for the what the fuck meter! The sorcerers kidnap her by, get this, having one of them spew yellow puke that hardens on her boyfriends face. Chalk another one up on the what the fuck meter! The plot then goes even more crazy as they cut off the girls heads (with a fountain of blood!) and switch them. They eventually get the love potion made but one of the girls escapes with it and the rest of the plot is the sorcerers trying to get her and the potion back while her boyfriend tries to keep her safe.

I had a wonderful time with all the wild fantasy elements from spewing yellow puke, flying sorcerers, bloody decapitations, to super fast climbing ninja but the plot is just a little convoluted and sometimes hard to follow. The love aspect is easy enough but the rest of the plot seems better left not questioning and just enjoying the film from a visual aspect. Sometimes his girlfriend is the impostor, sometimes she isn't. There's also a ninja battle at a castle but to be completely honest I'm not sure the reason why it occurred. No I'm not drunk, the film just doesn't have good flow to the plot despite it being centered around an aspect that is very simple, which is love. Thankfully we also have some nice stylistic directing to keep the eccentric plot moving.

Despite its plot problems I still enjoyed the hell out of this wild Samurai fantasy. Where else can you see projectile yellow vomit, bloody be-headings and a cursed spider teapot? Fans of this sort of cinema will definitely find many aspects to like.

Bonus Rant: I obtained this film in a DVD set called "The Sonny Chiba Collection" but I find that label on this film a little misleading. He is in the film but his role is so incredibly small that he is uncredited! His role also really served no importance to the plot and he could have easily been left out. I thought it was a stretch including the film Legend of the Eight Samurai in the set as Chiba was only a secondary character in that film but this is ridiculous!

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Without A Clue - 3.5/5

By 1988 cinematic adaptations of Sherlock Holmes had been done to death. How many adaptations of The Hound of Baskervilles was there? A hundred? Anyway you get my point and if filmmakers were going to give Sherlock Holmes another cinematic go-around it was time to try something new... and thankfully they did. The film-makers this time wisely decided to make Without a Clue a semi-spoof of the character Sherlock Holmes adding nice amounts of comedy into the mix.

The plot to this version of Sherlock Holmes turns the original vision on its head by making Sherlock Holmes' partner/sidekick Dr Watson (Ben Kingsley) the crime-solving mastermind. While solving crimes Watson wrote many stories about a character he created named Sherlock Holmes. To make the character real he hires a down-and-out bum actor (Michael Caine) whom he coaches through solving crimes. While bickering behind the public's eye throughout most of the film, they both always tend to mend fences while solving a crime of some stolen money printing plates. All clues lead Holmes and Watson (or should it be Watson and Holmes?) to devious criminal master Professor Moriarity (Paul Freeman, whom you might remember from Raiders of the Lost Ark).

Despite having strong production values and solid directing, the main draw of this film is it's stupendous cast. To be honest with Michael Caine and Ben Kingsley they could have made this a serious Sherlock Holmes adaption and it would have been just as good or even better. These guys are great and complement each other perfectly! I had a ball of a time seeing Holmes as a drunk, skirt chasing buffoon and Watson as the cool and collected crime solver.

The film has some great comedic sequences and thankfully the filmmakers opted out at making this a complete slap stick comedy. Still however people expecting a complete comedy with wall-to-wall laughs will come out a little disappointed as the laughs are spaced out and even mixed in with some downright serious moments. It's actually a strange combination as if the filmmakers weren't sure if they wanted to go the complete comedy route our not and the result is just a little bit confused.

Perhaps with a little tighter script and maybe a little more comedy this Sherlock Holmes spoof could have been even better. As it is it is still satisfying and the cast just fantastic. Actually after watching the film I craved seeing Michael Caine and Ben Kinsley in a serious adaption of a Holmes story. They were that perfectly cast!

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Pulse (2001) - 3.5/5

I love it when a film focuses so much on a certain aspect (or a few) that it sometimes forgets what it is doing. That's how I feel with "Pulse", the Japanese ghost film that eventually was remade into a far worse film for American audiences. This film does however, succeed on many levels far more than it falters, and has a great concept to boot.

Tokyo has been the brink of technological advances for years. As with all things though, there has to be a breaking point when humanity goes too far. This has finally happened as the internet has become a new portal for ghosts from the netherworld to seep into our realm. For a group of young people in Tokyo they must battle for their lives against these spirits that mean to teach them a lesson about how they live their lives.

"Pulse" actually runs with two separate sets of characters that eventually come together towards the end. Both have commonalities between the two, with the overarching theme of the film being an examination of loneliness in a modern world. The idea that technology (mostly the internet and computers with this film) being isolating inventions meant to keep people from interacting rather than a networking tool is one that brings to surface all kinds of sociological concerns about how fast technology takes humanity. Although at times this 'lesson' about how we live our lives is beaten into our faces with the sparse dialogue and some over the top moments of ghost encounters or suicides, it does carry the film rather well and accomplishes the task that it was set out to do.

The film also slabs on the atmosphere nicely. Like most of the Asian Horror films all the way from the beginning of the genre in those countries, "Pulse" ably balances the terror with suspense to create a creepy as shit feeling that easily blends into the post apocalyptic direness of the ending when all of the people in Tokyo start to vanish into the netherworld. At this "Pulse" definitely succeeds too.

Unfortunately, for its concept and atmosphere, it feels as though the film forgets to tell us a 'story' rather than a moral examination too often. It leaves a bit too much unexplained for my liking and many of the characters seem to be hollow representations of the broad strokes of what they exemplify in humanity. "Pulse" does sacrifice a little too much of a 'film' to get their point and symbolism across and although it leads to a nice layered flick to ponder, it does forget sometimes that its there to entertain too.

"Pulse" is a nice addition to a Horror fans collection but there are other J-Horror ghost films to add first. If you are sociologically minded then this is a great film to ponder and pick apart for its ideologies and how it goes about them, but otherwise just enjoy the soupy atmosphere and beautiful long camera shots with little editing.

BONUS RANT: What the hell song is at the end of this film? For a film that is so dire and thick with despair that is one of the most upbeat and hopeful songs you can tack on. Perhaps its symbolic of the right path humanity will be on, but man it took me by surprise. Enjoy those upbeat credits folks! 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Shinjuku Incident - 4/5

Despite what America wants you to believe, Jackie Chan CAN MAKE GOOD MOVIES. Hollywood just likes to water him down into a goofy family friendly stunt comedian rather than an actor. Proof of this? "Shinjuku Incident". A Chinese film with political, social, and psychological ramifications that mirrors itself on great gangster films like "Scarface".

A Chinese illegal immigrant nick named Steelhead (or in the subtitled version I watched Nick (?!?)) gets to Japan looking for his childhood love from his home village who moved there years prior. Of course, being illegally there, he must do some underhanded jobs to make it by, which eventually leads him into some illegal activities like stealing. This leads him into conflict with some Yakuza leaders whom see his leadership and ambition as a tool to their own agendas. Soon he has to make a choice whether or not sacrificing his morals for the safety and love of his new 'family' is worth the price in the end.

So its pretty obvious the connections that can be made to another gangster rise story "Scarface" even from that synopsis. Many seem to criticize this film for being too close, when I'm not sure that's necessarily true. Although the plot points may be close to being true film to film, the political and historical sides are completely separate and its the ideology of our lead character that makes these films feel different. I love the setting of underground Japan and the differences between Chinese and Japanese cultures that sets the stage for our rise and fall protagonist. Its a lot like watching a a modern "Chinese Connection" for those purposes. And the cultural side of this film is somewhat fascinating to watch.

I also loved Jackie Chan in this film. He gets to strut his dramatic stuff here quite heavily and he does it admirably. The action is relatively light here and most of it happens with him as more of a referee than as a stuntman in the middle which is a nice change of pace for the film. His character is sympathetic and engaging and he holds his own with this. It was a real treat to watch him (finally) do something worth seeing that isn't "The Spy Next Door".

If anything, "Shinjuku Incident" suffers from a lack of budget. Some of the action sequences, such as when his friend Joe gets his arm cut off by a rival gang, seems rather hokey with the special effects they have and instead of coming off as a serious and impactful moment (despite some great acting) it comes off rather humorous unintentionally. It happens a few other times in this film with the budget too and it just mistakenly takes the film away from its raw and realistic attempts.

"Shinjuku Incident" was a fairly solid film that shows Chan in a way that most Americans don't normally see him. He has always done some great dramas to go with his action films and comedies and its nice to see one get to the US that shows us what he can do. It is rather epic and heavy on the drama so don't expect much from his usual stunt work focused films. Its a great companion piece to some of his other dramatic roles like "Crime Story" that deserve more attention then they get.

BONUS RANT: I'm not sure who developed the title card or cover for the US release but they should be shot. They make it look action packed and more like a sleek crime action film when its not. The cover with the three faces in the ribbons is much better. Its deceptive to get more people to see the film and more will dislike it from wrong advertising than anything else. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Django Strikes Again (1987)

DJANGO STRIKES AGAIN

Aka "Django 2"

After 30 unofficial sequels, Franco Nero finally got off his ass to give the fans an OFFICIAL sequel to his 1966 hit Django. The problem is he is over twenty years late! By the time Nero decided to do this sequel original director Sergio Corbucci was too ill to direct and the spaghetti western genre had been long since dead. Because of genre being dead and gone and for the fact Nero looks 20 years older, the filmmakers decided to, wrongly in my humble opinion, to make the storyline take twenty years after the events of Django which in turn makes this film take place after the western age. What! They decide to make an official sequel to Django and it ISN'T EVEN A WESTERN?! All I have to say is this is one of the biggest missed opportunities ever in a Euro Cult film genre.

Ok so we have a plot that takes place 20 years after the events of Django and it is no longer the wild west. Django apparently has disavowed his violent ways, burying his machine gun, and has become a monk. That just makes me think of Rambo III and any connection to Rambo III cannot be good! News reaches Nero that a rebel Hungarian soldier (Christopher Connelly) has kidnapped his daughter to work in a bordello (he also kidnaps boys to work in his silver mines) so he decides to dig up his machine gun to go get her back. I forgot to mention that Donald Pleasance is in the film but his character is completely forgettable.

Other than this NOT BEING A WESTERN, another problem is the complete tone shift from the first film. The original Django was a cheesy, trashy B-Western classic that took pride in being just that. New director Nello Rossati decides to take this film seriously and throws away all the cheesy and outrageous sequences of the original. I also didn't dig the new serious, reformed Django character with long slicked back hair. To be honest, even with Nero in the role, it just didn't feel like Django. Christopher Connelly is completely forgettable as our villain and director Rossati also overuses soft lenses, giving the film a white hue that was so prevalent in Italian films in the late 80's. Also... where the hell is the unforgettable Django song?

Overall this has to be one of the most disappointing sequels I have ever seen. It by no means is a terrible film but it completely missed a grand opportunity to make a great sequel for the fans that had been patiently waiting over twenty years for Nero to return to the role that made him famous. Twenty years is a long time to wait and the fans were not dished up a sequel that was worth it. Sadly many of the unofficial sequels were actually better. See Django, Kill! and Django the Bastard to see what I mean. Hey those were WESTERNS so right away they have something up on Django Strikes Again. If it weren't' for the connection to the classic Django this would be just another forgettable late 80's Italian action film and with the Django character, it should have been a cult dream come true. Sadly it isn't and is only should only be seen as a curiosity piece for euro cult fanatics.

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Own the official sequel "Django Strikes Again" by clicking the link below!

Hardware - 3/5

The trailers and advertisements for Hardware made it look like The Terminator meets The Road Warriors. Since this seemed to be a mishmash of two of my most favorite films I for years wanted to see it but just never got around to it. Now thanks to Severin Entertainment for releasing this rarely seen British sci fi / horror hybrid I was able to finally see what this cult classic was about. It does have a killer robot and it is a post apocalyptic film, but those concepts are really the only thing this film has with Terminator and Road Warrior. I can honestly say now after viewing the picture that Hardware is a prime example of style over substance. Does that make it bad? Oh hell no as I did enjoy the picture but it just made me crave more than the plot had to offer.

The film opens with a atmospheric shot of a goggled man walking across a post nuke world where he discovers a half buried robot. He picks up the parts and heads to a town where he sells the parts to government worker Dylan McDermott who buys it for his girlfriend (the gorgeous Stacey Travis) who happens to make artwork with junk metal and electronic parts for rich assholes. We find out later that the parts belong to a prototype of a M.A.R.K. 13, a killer robot that later comes back to life going after Stacey Travis in her apartment. Murder and Mayhem ensue.

As you can tell there isn't much plot to this film. It's a post apocalyptic film about a killer robot chasing a women in her apartment. The aspect that makes up for this insanely simple plot is the eye catching directing talent of Richard Stanley. This film just looks beautiful! The whole time I kept thinking the film had a Dario Argento / Mario Bava vibe to it with its vibrant and lush colors and low and behold the director even admits it in the documentary on the disc. Being a Bava / Argento fan it comes to no surprise I love the style of this film! His great visual style made me crave more out of his screenplay. His simple screenplay seems to throw in all the cliché elements: anti-hero, sidekick, beautiful babe in distress, shower sequence, sex scene, drug hallucinations, and bloody kills. The addition of the creepy voyeur neighbor was a nice touch but otherwise the plot was by-the-numbers. I also did not care for Dylan McDermott's character. Post Apoc films usually have anti-heroes, morally complex characters I love, but his character was just a complete arrogant ass and I never found myself rooting for him to save his woman. Stacey Travis, on the other hand, impressed me for essentially being a novice actress.

So is Hardware the best sci fi/horror film you never seen? Well no but it is an interesting one with some wonderful stylistic directing that is sadly silted by a familiar script. Mix that with some a catchy score by notable Italian film musician Simon Boswell and you having an interesting little post nuke film put nothing groundbreaking. Fans need to keep an eye out for a cameo from Motorhead's front man Lemmy as a taxi driver and Iggy Pop voicing a radio DJ.

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Night Of The Sea Gulls, The - 2.5/5

After the failed experiment of putting our blind dead characters on the high seas in The Ghost Galleon, director Amando de Ossorio wisely decided to get back to the blind dead basics in this fourth and final entry into his tetralogy. Like the previous sequels, Night of the Sea Gulls (released in America as Night of the Death Cult and Terror Beach) is just another take on the Templar Knight legend this time transposing our eyeless freaks into a coastal community setting giving me instant flashes of H.P. Lovecraft. The blind dead even seem to pray to some weird sea god as opposed to being Satanists, which was an interesting twist.

Our plot has a young doctor and his wife moving to the small coastal village as the old doctor seems freaked out and is high tailing it for the city. Upon arriving it is very evident that the residents are hiding a secret. The secret is that every seven years the villagers must sacrifice seven young women for seven nights in a row to the "horsemen of the sea". The doctor and his wife get wind of this due to sea gulls cawing in the night (hence the title) and for the fact young women in the village begin to disappear. When a young women working for the doctor is slated to become the blind dead's next victim, he and his wife set out to save her.

Like I mentioned earlier I approve of director Amando de Ossorio going back to basics with this entry and he seems to be trying hard to make a legitimate horror film and even is able to craft some moments of suspense. I also approve of him making this a darker, more serious entry into the series cutting out most of trashy elements (thanks Assorio for not putting in another pointless rape scene!). He even gives an audience a flashback sequence like the first two films which he unwisely decided against in The Ghost Galleon. Sadly this film still suffers from an extremely slow pace, clunky editing, some obtrusive music and a rather drab climax. Again there is stock footage from Tombs of the Blind Dead used with our knights rising from their graves and Ossorio seems to pad the film with extensive shots of crabs crawling towards the corpses of our young girls. Also the day-for-night shots of the blind dead riding on the beach were extremely unconvincing.

Typical with low budget Spanish horror there are many flaws but this is overall a decent final entry into the Blind Dead legacy and I would rank it only a hair below the second film The Return of the Evil Dead. The pace is overly slow but fans should dig the darker tone and the more bloody violence. I would say the series ended on a strong note and this was a nice sendoff to our memorable blind dead characters who would be put to rest indefinably.

Written By Eric Reifschneider

Evil Dead II - 5/5

With one excellent and terrifying Horror film under their belt, Sam Raimi and company, fought to top their stellar debut with a sequel. The brilliance that was able to top their demonic cabin in the woods low budget flick? Adding super dark comedy to the mix. Not sure how that works? Me neither. But "Evil Dead 2" is scary, smart, and hilarious. It is brilliance in cult film making if there ever was one. Even if they did have to re-shoot a first film basics recap for the first act.

Ash (Bruce Campbell) has some plans set up. He's taking his girlfriend to an old cabin in the woods to have some pleasant alone time with her, when he accidentally unleashes hell upon them. With the help of some new friends (relatives and friends of the old man that owned the cabin) Ash is off to fight of demons and unseen forest monsters and banish them from this world once and for all. Hopefully he doesn't get possessed first.

The confusing part about "Evil Dead 2" is the fact that its also a pseudo-remake of the first "Evil Dead". Due to some bull shit legal fuck ups Raimi and crew were unable to get footage of their own movie so they decided to 'refilm' it as the first act instead. So you don't even really need to see "Evil Dead" to get this one. They shave it down and give it the same tone as the rest of the film for the first section - which probably works better in the end.

The beauty of "Evil Dead 2" can be found in the odd and borderline psychotic blend of super violence and humor. Its dark and built of the foundations that made the first film horrifying, but it shapes it through a different lens taking the violence and timing to an almost "Three Stooges" level of slapstick hilarity. How can one not laugh when Ash is jumping on the fruit cellar door with a witches head in the crack? Its a sense of humor though that you will either get or not. If you don't then don't bother finishing the movie. It only gets more ridiculous as it goes.

Once again though, despite a hilarious and certified memorable performance from Campbell as the man turned anti-hero Ash, is the style and vision of director and co-writer Sam Raimi. Sleek shots of low budget mastery and insanely solid comedic wit and timing make this film rise above its own parts. "Evil Dead 2" just further proves the talent contained within its makers.

Cult fans should rejoice in the brilliance that is the hilarious violence of "Evil Dead 2". Its balance of the two is remarkable and untouched even to this day by other films that try to anchor themselves on the lessons learned from this film. This is a staple for the collection of any fan of cult or Horror. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider