Collector, The - 3.5/5

With all the rave there has been for this film from Horror fans, I had to cave in and watch the the film whose claim to fame was that it was written from some of the guys that wrote some of the "Saw" sequels. Perhaps its not the best claim to fame, but its a claim nonetheless. Surprise, surprise, "The Collector" reeks of "Saw" like tendencies throughout, but even in the end I was rather impressed with the decency of this film.

Arkin is just your average man working to make his life right. His wife (separated I'm assuming) is in a heap of debt to some nasty loan sharks and despite his good heart and hard work ethic, he still falls into the pool of scum when he decides that he is going to rob the house of a rich family that he is doing construction on. Unfortunately, the night he picks to strike at the house, the family is supposed to be on vacation while its being worked on, is also the night that a fucking psycho has decided to torture and 'collect' the family that lives there. So now its up to Arkin to use his good heart, cat burglar talents, and wits to out match The Collector and the booby trapped house.

Of course, I was digging the entire back story. Our hero, Arkin, is a lovable and pitiful man whom we can connect with. Josh Stewart definitely makes nice for the role and even the occasional supporting cast is good (honestly, there's not a whole lot of them). But the back story was pretty solid and set us up for some good tension later.

When we first get to meeting The Collector, I was a little disappointed in the cliche of how they went about him. The booby trapped house was a little much. Although it does create some intriguing and memorable death scenes, some of the traps were down right ridiculous. The bear traps laid everywhere in the kitchen for example. Not the most ingenious trap and it just smacks of cartoony quality. Like "Home Alone" meets "Hostel". Some of the traps made sense but the time to set them up (realistically speaking) was probably not worth the effort. The Collector himself was an interesting take in his mysteriousness (and his glowing eyes) although at times his demeanor was just a little off. Like why did he watch the girlfriend and boyfriend moment...was he just perverted or did he want to strike fear into their young lustful hearts? Either way it was just odd.

The plot itself was pretty simple and in its simplicity it was able to focus on some solid atmosphere and tension which was the best aspect of "The Collector". For a first time director, Marcus Dunstan does fairly admirable and I enjoyed some of what he had to offer. The fairly cliche credits were not a great starting point, but what he did later with music and some of the editing was a nice touch (although the ridiculous jump scares with mirrors made me want to punch him for unoriginality).

"The Collector" didn't quite live to the hype that the forums and Horror blogs had to give it, but it was a fine watch. Don't believe I'll be re-watching it any time soon, but it was a perfect way to pass the rainy morning. Not the most original film, but it had some solid acting and tension to make up for its lack of new ground. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Chaser, The (2008)

Director: Na Hong-jin
Notable Cast: Kim Yoon-seok, Ha Jung-woo, Seo Young-hee, Koo Bon-woong, Kim Yoo-jung, Jung In-gi, Park Hyo-joo, Choi Jung-woo

Everything in the thriller genre has been done before by now. Not a whole lot of surprises when it comes to it. To make a great thriller, one has to look into the heart of the story and use vision and depth to create it. That's exactly what "The Chaser" does. Despite a fairly tried and true story, its subtle style of directing, amazing lead anti-hero character, and ability to suspend belief and tension above all else makes this a MUST SEE.

Joong-Ho is an ex-detective turned 'pimp' business man whom is about to have the worst few days of his life. His girls have been going missing lately and a clue leads him to find one that is on her way to meet a client who also happens to be a serial killer. It's a race against time to save his girl from the clutches of a madman that takes him threw hell and back and even allows him to finally seeing the sides of life that he never knew existed.

Expertly crafted, "The Chaser" is able to take a relatively simple story and draw it out for over 2 hours, most of which one will spend on the edge of their seat as we root for Joong-Ho to catch the disturbing and arrogant serial killer. Director, Na, uses a slick and very subtle use of style to make many moments far more memorable than they should have appeared in script (including but not limited to his use of silence to promote intensity without beating the viewer in the face with it) and the super realism of the film's action sequences and character reactions makes this film seem like it could have easily been a true event rather than just a film. When the first chase through the ally occurs between Joong-Ho and the killer it's seriously so intense and real that I found myself actually talking to the TV... telling the character to go this way or that. Which I don't know if I have ever done. It's that intense.

Of course, it helps that the acting from the cast is superb on almost every level. Our lead is both despicable in how he acts and completely relatable so that we root for him. Not only to become the hero that he tries so hard to be and never wants to be, but to just realize his faults. Even our villain comes across as so innocent and charming that its creepy to the point that you curse the police for not being able to pin him and bust his ass. Literally, he spends the majority of the film in police custody and never does the suspense lift. It's brilliant in its craftiness and in his portrayal of the killer. Everyone does a fantastic acting job from the little girl to the few moments our missing call girl is on screen.

"The Chaser" is one of the best thrillers ever made in my opinion and deserves all the praise it has received. I wish the film had been given a better US release than a Blockbuster exclusive as its a must see. Brilliant on every level and its guaranteed to keep a viewer thrilled and surprised all the way through the credits. See this film now. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Graves, The - 1.5/5

Well my first experience with the fourth set of After Dark Horrorfest turns out to be more like a cliche-fest of epic disappointments. "The Graves" is a combination of some great cult classics like "Children Of The Corn" and "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" all mashed into a ball of 'what the fuck is going on'. Not that the story is hard to follow, but it happens to be so poorly told and written that nothing can right this sinking ship. Not even some Horror icons like Tony Todd and Bill Moseley.

Honestly, this film gets a star and a half for those two men. Bill Moseley is always so intriguing in these films and he is the only actor in this film that can rise above his poor dialogue and even worse character development. Even Tony Todd has trouble dealing with his almost cartoon like preacher/leader of the town Unity. Otherwise this film pretty much blows from the get-go.

"The Graves" are two sisters (Abby and Megan Graves) who are going on a road trip by themselves for the first time when they stumble on a small town and decide to take a trip into the old abandoned gold mine community for a tour. This tour is from Hell though and suddenly they find themselves stalked by a renegade family of fuck-ups that slaughter tourists in the name of a local demon/savior that the townsfolk worship.

I feel bad for the lead girls as for the most part they try desperately hard to combat their awful dialogue and plot writing. Even Clare Grant (whom did a fine job in the Masters Of Horror episode "Valerie On The Stairs" also co-starring Tony Todd) tries to be charismatic in this shitty written film. Unfortunately, the cliche story, poor pacing, and 'tries far too hard to by stylistic' directing sink this movie before it even leaves harbor.

This film was just far too frustrating as a Horror movie watcher to be enjoyable. The odd continuity errors (especially with the blood splatter which is a HUGE no-no for Horror films) and odd plot shifts (first Meg is dying the then she's fine!) make this film hair ripping frustrating.

If you love low budget Horror films than only see this one for a laugh and to see your icons. Otherwise, its too cliche and too poorly structured for even the most casual film watchers. Don't bother is my recommendation. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever - 3/5

Ti West is quickly rising to be one of the best of the genre. With his throwback to suspenseful 80s Horror in "The House Of The Devil" he garnered a lot of attention and its only fitting that his next feature (that was ironically made before) would also be a throwback in "Cabin Fever 2". Of course, his style pretty much is what makes this film watchable in most ways and keeps it afloat despite a fairly bland and generic story and characters.

"Cabin Fever 2" follows the spread of the flesh eating virus in the first as the water supply that was infected is fed into a bottling company and giving out in the punch at a Prom for a local high school. Our hero and his friend, whilst battling cliche high school dramas and girl issues, suddenly find themselves in the middle of a contagious slaughter as the government steps in to remedy the situation. The fight to survive is on!

We have seen plenty of viral outbreak films of this general concept in the last couple of decades and honestly we have seen enough high school pseudo-comedy dramas to last a fucking lifetime. So "Cabin Fever 2" is already skating on some thin ice with just its story and concept. Not helping it at all is the fact that the characters run you gauntlet of average teenage characters that aren't quirky enough to impress all that much but not true enough in their seriousness to make me a believer in their cause. With some hit or miss acting from everyone involved, this film is lucky to be existing at all.

Honestly there are two reasons that this film is even getting any kind of positive attention. Firstly, the tongue in cheek approach to the idea was a smart move. At times it runs parallel to being a parody of the films that it feels far too similar too. The quirky humor of some of the characters and general storytelling process saves it sometimes. Not all the time (the odd animated credits at the beginning and animated ending made me scratch the old scalp rather than being all that charming as it was intended), but during the film the off beat humor made some scenes bearable rather than burdening. It's a saving grace that works more often than not.

The second aspect that saves this film from sinking in the ice, is our lovable director Ti West. If it wasn't for his old school campy 80s throwback vibe for the film and visual prowess for vamping the style of the film than this sucker would be at the bottom of the pond trying to find the hole it fell through. Gory to beat hell, with enough of a sense to not show everything and show the things one would not expect, Ti West knows what this film actually is and plays it to its strengths most of the time. The faceless government quarantine team, the general look and ridiculousness of the side characters, and its atmosphere can all be given to the eye of West. He is this films savior and deserves quite a bit of credit for taking such a cliche story and making something from it.

"Cabin Fever 2" may not be the sequel I was expecting, both as a disappointment and a surprising value that West gave it, but its a fun romp that is worth at least one watch. If you can't stand gore or ridiculous 80s cheese than you might want to skip it. Otherwise, put on your best (and most fucked up) bloody prom outfit and let's dance! 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Fourth Kind, The - 3.5/5

Anytime that a film claims to be based on true events, I tend to cringe a little. At that point, its already practically a gimmick for the film and when the film has to do with alien abductions (that's what "The Fourth Kind" means for those of you whom don't know) then color me a bit skeptical. I've read about the events of Nome and the abductions a few times and its easy to see how it could make a movie. So thusly, we have the gimmicky "The Fourth Kind" for viewing pleasure.

Milla Jovovich plays Abby Tyler, a psychologist trying to get to the bottom of a series of sleep disorders that are affecting the people of Nome, Alaska. When she starts to put people into a hypnosis, she finds that there is more to their sleep disorder than a repetitive claim of seeing white owls...and that its going to affect her and whats left of her family.

It must be made clear that "The Fourth Kind" is pretty much as gimmicky as it seemed to be. With its real footage crossed with filmed footage style, split screen moments, and interview splices and voice overs from the actual Abby Tyler, more often than not you are going to feel as though you are watching a very expensive and fancy episode of "Unsolved Mysteries" with its melodramatic scenes and its rather hit or miss acting. If you can put aside the gimmicks and move ahead of the fact that they will beat you in the face with the idea that "THIS MIGHT BE REAL!" then you might uncover that the film is somewhat enjoyable. It's well paced and Milla does a decent job as Abby. Hell, I also love Casey Jones...err..Elias Koteas in the film and its a nice addition. The use of the split screen is well put together (although still cheesy) and the direction was pretty solid. It's a pretty solid film that is sugar coated in gimmick that actually takes away from the film far too much.

Also, the thing about "The Fourth Kind" is that its not as scary as many claimed it to be. Like the hype around "The Blair Witch Project" or "Paranormal Activity" most of the scares you see or only partially see through the real or acted footage have already been done to death in the Horror and Science Fiction genres. If you are a fan of the genres than you've pretty much seen this movie ("Fire In The Sky" anyone?) done a few times before.

With my low expectations going into it, I was relatively surprised with how solid "The Fourth Kind" was, as long as one can overlook the ridiculousness of its style. It's a rather unique watch though and worth the rental if you so desire, but its not one that's going to be played over and over due to its awesomeness. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Jackie Chan's First Strike (1996)

Director: Stanley Tong
Notable Cast: Jackie Chan, Bill Tung

What can I say about this bastardized American version of a film that I assume is probably more awesome in its original form? Well, firstly, it may not be all that good, but I have such a ridiculously good time watching it that it stays within my reach whenever I go for an action film. I have never seen the original form of this film (only this one) so I can't fairly compare them, so I won't try. Not that this one is all that good, we'll get to that in a second, but its a lot of fun and the choreography is something to watch again and again.

Jackie Chan plays Jackie (you assholes named him the same name!?!) as he goes on a routine watch scouting mission for the Ukranians and Americans as a diplomat. Suddenly he's involved with FSB Russian Agents ends up in Australian and framed for murder of a leader of a Chinese family there.

Of course, the plot is so ridiculous and outrageous trying to follow it is about as futile as folloing the plot to "You Only Live Twice". It only serves the purpose of putting Jackie Chan in outrageous stunt situations. Which is fine by me. Essentially the plot should be: lets watch Jackie fight 10 guys in a warehouse that is being remodeled and then lets watch Jackie fight a bunch of guys underwater in a shark tank without a Scuba suit and then lets watch Jackie Chan fight off a team of Russian army men in the frozen mountains without a coat and only a seal hat on! Etc. Etc. Which although, leads to a poorly crafted script and horrible acting (with even WORSE dubbing on top of it) allows you to see what you wanted. Lots of awesome stunts. Which is the reason that this bad boy gets a solid 3 stars. The stunts. The ladder sequence in itself is worth the price of buying this film at all. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Honestly, there isn't much else to this movie. Stunt after stunt after stunt. The story is outrageous and the humor is hit or miss. The acting isn't great and the dubbing is awful. But the stunts make it worth it. Not a need for kung fu fans out there, but a nice addition to his already stellar filmography and stunt career. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Offspring - 1/5

Good Lord, can I pick them lately. "Nine Dead", "Sorority Row", and now "Offspring". It's like I have a bad Horror movie streak that I just can't break! Even a film based on the relatively fun/controversial writer Jack Ketchum book of the same name couldn't save the streak. That's even with Ketchum writing the script! Needless to say, I'll try to keep this one brief as not to bore you with another review where I don't say much good.

"Offspring" weaves a post event tale where the children of a missing light house keeper from wee long ago have lived in the wilderness of North Eastern US and Canada surviving by eating animals and the occasional hiker. Of course this is about the second batch of cannibals that come into contact with society (the first is only referenced by the original police officer whom caught them) as they attack a family in search of a baby that...well I'm not sure why they wanted the baby actually. Something to do with religious juju or something.

So essentially we have a very violent "Lord Of The Flies" like group of young people that speak a random tongue out to capture a baby to induct into their society. Too bad the most intriguing part of this film is the lack of score and poor use of credits. It had an interesting story that went really no where, explained nothing, and gave me no reason to actually root for any of the characters. The best part of this film was some of the gore effects. Not usually a good sign for a low budget Horror flick.

The dialogue was sparse. As sparse as the character work/depth was. The directing had some nice moments with a visual side but stank of a bit too much amateur smell for its own good. Same went for the lacking score and make shift editing. All far too amateur for what I expected from something released in this set of Ghost House Underground. More or less, "Offspring" felt like a made for TV movie littered with some gore, nudity, and the occasional f word.

Not to mention that throughout the film it felt like something was missing from the story. It speeds through all the characters at high speed with not a lot of regard to its degradation of the film, and half of the time I felt like it rushed its story pieces too. I felt as though I needed more all the time.

I'm not going to go too much further into analyzing this one, as it doesn't have too much to analyze. It feels about half assed throughout every aspect and never reaches the horror or the suspense that the story needed to work. It comes off like a bad Stephen King film (ouch) more often than not. Of the four GHU released this year this was by far the weakest entry. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Mad Detective - 4.5/5

At first, "Mad Detective" didn't sit well. It came off a bit fractured, not allowing itself a lot of breathing room or explanation for its audience. Then about 2 days after watching it, the film actually struck home. The film never left my mind for 2 days and that's when I realized that all of the things that bothered me about it, were meant to bother its viewer. It's as if the film was playing mind games on the viewer in such a subtle manner that it took quite some time for it to actually sink in. Which is why I finally came to realize that this film is pretty damn good.

Bun is a retired (let go) detective from the police force. He's a modern day Sherlock Holmes in a way, as his odd way of viewing the world and how it works allows him to see and manipulate it differently...differently enough for the police force to let him go and make him see psychiatrist. His wife leaves him and his world slowly decays until a young detective whom has admired his work, pulls him back in to help him solve a tough case of a missing cop and a missing gun. The suspect is the cop's old partner, Chi Wai, and the case is cold. It's just the thing that is going to make Bun's life hell...and allow him to live again.

What really makes this film work is this idea of 'real' world versus the real world. Bun sees the world differently from his counterparts and although, he is deemed crazy and mad throughout the film, its hard not to side with the man. He can't live in the world around him as its moralities and societal pressures don't match with his view points. He is able to see people's inner personalities and with a visual que from cult director Johnnie To, its this fractured existence he sees us in that is the 'real' world. He sees people for who they are and not what people make themselves to be. Its this idea of 'real' versus 'truth' that makes this film a must see for any one that's a fan of societal moralities and how police work can rely too much on logic in a world that may not always be logical. The story and the character are enough to make this film a head above the rest of its 'cop and crime' counterparts.

Of course, to pull off such an ambitious take on film making and storytelling, one needs acting just as intense and subtle as the story lends itself too. Brilliant acting all the way around (especially from our 'mad detective') counterbalances the visual style of Johnnie To perfectly. It's a match made in heaven in film standards. The use of broken mirrors, fluttering papers, multiple personalities, and intense character studies make this film a multi-layer masterpiece that lends itself to a multitude of viewings. Another trait of a modern classic.

"Mad Detective" may not have been what I initially considered it to be, but with time to chew on the message it sends, and a solid attention span for the details, this is a film worth watching again and again. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Sorority Row - 1.5/5

A hooded black figure walks through a busy campus party. The ominous music and tone of the almost serene walk through the oblivious college students sets a mood of dread in the middle of what should be joy. The figure turns and decloaks only to reveal...a topless dancer for the party? Believe it or not, this is an actual scene from "Sorority Row" and it accurately describes the entire ideology of this film. Completely cliche and completely pointless.

A group of Theta Pi sisters go to play a prank on an old boyfriend of one of their members. Unfortunately, prank goes bad. Girl dead. So to save their sorry and undeserving asses they hide her body and go on with life as though it never happened. But suddenly a hooded figure shows up, seeking revenge for their fallen sister. Who is it? What could they want? Is there anything more cliche than this? Is this a "Scream" rip-off (which ironically was an intentional rip off itself)? All these questions and less intelligence are answered with "Sorority Row".

If you can't guess by now, my intense sarcasm stems from a source. This film is indeed one of the most cliche and 'punch yourself in the face' low brow intelligent Horror films you might ever catch yourself watching. It's a teen slasher disguising itself in f words and bare breasts, that makes the 90s era of mainstream Horror look rather original. Poor dialogue litters a rather mundane script that borders itself on being parody. Moments of the film almost seem like a joke (almost as if this wanted to attract the audience of "Scary Movie" rather than Horror fans) but the real joke is that its serious. And plays itself that way. The acting is over the top, none of the characters are likable and the faux depth to them insults many cliche 'sorority bitches' I'm sure. In fact, this film is so mediocre that its probably worse than many of the low budget Horror films that strive to be better than they can be. Thusly, it IS worse than those film despite its rather slick production and larger budget.

So rather than writing any more on this drivel, I'm going to go try to redeem myself by moving on with my life and forgetting about "Sorority Row". As this film taught me, its time to say farewell. Way too late. 

Written By Matt Reifschneider

Nine Dead - .5/5

This is, honest to God, one of the worst films I have ever seen. There are bad movies that are awesome to watch and then there is "Nine Dead". I took a bathroom break about an hour into it and in the bathroom I had to give myself a pep talk and coax myself into going back out and finishing it. Considering that this bad boy got distrubuted into Red Boxes and even is carried in almost all Wal Mart stores, I feel as though the world just might be coming to an end.


"Nine Dead" is about nine strangers (couldn't have guessed it!) that find themselves kidnapped and held hostage in a concrete room handcuffed to poles and not knowing what the fuck is going on. Of course, our resident villain tells them that they are all here for a reason and that they have to figure out how they are all connected and the reason for their demise before they are released alive. The kicker for this one: every ten minutes he comes in and blasts one of the people until they figure it out. Take a guess where this goes from here.

Despite being a blatant and intentional rip off of the "Saw" franchise without any of the great things that made those movies Horror musts, this film REEKS of cliche elements and horrible writing. Oh yeah. The dialogue was enough to make me want to be the next on offed when the 10 minutes was up. This movie wanted so desperately to be smart and witty with its writing and ambigious morals that it was willing to sacrifice everything else for them. Which means, when the script and story are not near fleshed out enough to actually represent depth, that "Nine Dead" has nothing going for it. Not a single thing. All right, it has some uproariously bad lines in it. "You guys sound like my strippers" says the mob guy. Would have been funnier had I been blacked out on illegal moonshine. But its bad lines only get it half a star.

Of course, with a cliche and 'thinks it's shit don't stink' script, you would have to have actors to pull off the lines to make it remotely work. Well, shucks, looks like when the big star power you can pull here is Melissa Joan Hart and 5 seconds of a cameo for Daniel Baldwin than you know what to expect. Horrible monologues delivered with half assed enthusiasm. This just keeps getting better and better.

So if your actors suck and your script sucks, than you better have a visual director to carry this film to the end. Holy shit, you don't have that either do you movie? With its aweful pacing, standard amatuer night directing, and God help me I'm going to kill myself bad editing, then "Nine Dead" is batting nilch.

Honestly when it got to its stupid and hurried beyond logical conclusion ending, I was actually applauding. Not that the film had made me think about my life in some new and profound way, but that it was FUCKING OVER. "Nine Dead" actually had ending. There was a merciful God in this world that would end my misery as a film watcher. The sad part is that this film did have potential in its script. Some of the details could have been developed and deeped. Some of the characters could have been fleshed out (or portrayed as that way) and even some of the story could have been impactful. But it failed. On every single one of those moments that it could have succeeded.

There is a reason Horror, as a genre, gets a bad rap. It's films like "Nine Dead".

Written By Matt Reifschneider